Diddly Squat

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 1405946547
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 137

Book Description
Pull on your wellies, grab your flat cap and join Jeremy Clarkson in this hilarious and fascinating behind-the-scenes look at the infamous Diddly Squat Farm THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out _________ Welcome to Clarkson's farm. It's always had a nice ring to it. Jeremy just never thought that one day his actual job would be 'a farmer'. And, sadly, it doesn't mean he's any good at it. From buying the wrong tractor (Lamborghini, since you ask . . .) to formation combine harvesting, getting tied-up in knots of red tape to chasing viciously athletic cows, our hero soon learns that enthusiasm alone might not be enough. Jeremy may never succeed in becoming master of his land, but, as he's discovering, the fun lies in the trying . . . _________ 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard Praise for Clarkson's Farm: 'The best thing Clarkson's done . . . it pains me to say this' GUARDIAN 'Shockingly hopeful' INDEPENDENT 'Even the most committed Clarkson haters will find him likeable here' TELEGRAPH 'Quite lovely' THE TIMES

Can You Make This Thing Go Faster?

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 1405946520
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 260

Book Description
The hilarious new collection of stories and observations from Jeremy Clarkson - setting our off-kilter world to rights with thigh-slapping wit once again. Who is that tractor-driving Gentleman Farmer? Has Jeremy turned into a horny-handed son of the soil? These and other perplexing questions may or may not be answered in the latest volume of Clarkson's utterly unbiased musings on life, the universe and everything in between (except cars - this isn't one of his four-wheel drive books). Inside you'll also discover why: · Bathing in crude oil isn't for everyone · People who go fishing hate their kids · Noise-cancelling headphones will never silence James May · The rambler who stole his marrow is in for it Full of fact-checked opinions and ideas so good they're no longer following the science but chasing it up a tree, Can You Make This Thing Go Faster? is one hundred per cent guaranteed Clarkson . . . Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1405961430
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 115

Book Description
Get tucked in to a third bestselling helping of Clarkson's Farm from our favourite wellie-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson 'Brilliant . . . laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . will have you in stitches' Time Out --- After three years, Jeremy Clarkson has discovered the golden rule of farming: whatever you hope will happen, won't. Enthusiastic schemes to diversify face defeat at the hands of the Council Planning department, or derision from Kaleb. Jeremy's plans for a business empire founded on rewilding and nettle soup are doubted by Lisa. And the stifling thickets of red tape keep only one person smiling – Cheerful Charlie, who charges by the hour. But the animals couldn’t be happier. A rented bull called Break-Heart Maestro is delighting the cows. The pigs are bringing home the bacon. And the goats are . . . most probably psychopaths. Yet on the good days it hard not to be optimistic. Where else do you get to harvest blackberries with a vacuum cleaner? Maybe it’s not just Break-heart Maestro who gets a happy ending? ---- Readers are loving Diddly Squat: Pigs Might Fly ‘Another funny book from Jeremy. This one made me chuckle but, my only complaint it's too short. I wanted more. Hopefully Another book is being written as we speak’ ***** Reader Review ‘I love the show and I love the books. Both make me chuckle but have also given me an insight into farming and how hard farming is’ **** Reader Review ‘I’ve read the previous books and loved those as well. Witty and funny with depth and a bit of seriousness’ **** Reader Review ‘Loved it, quickest book I've ever read. Can't wait for the next Clarkson instalment’ **** Reader Review

Diddly Squat: ‘Til The Cows Come Home

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Random House
ISBN: 1405954647
Category : Technology & Engineering
Languages : en
Pages : 143

Book Description
THE NO. 1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Head back down to Clarkson Farm with the latest bestseller from our favourite welly-wearing wannabe farmer, Jeremy Clarkson ___________ Enthusiastic trainee farmer Jeremy Clarkson made just £144 in his first year at Diddly Squat Farm. This year he's determined to do better. Not because he now knows what he's doing. But because he's fed up of getting stick from Kaleb. Yet farming continues to be a challenge. For instance . . . · Loading a grain trailer was more demanding than flying an Apache gunship? · Cows were more dangerous than motor-racing? · It's easier to get planning permission to build a nuclear plant than to turn a barn into a restaurant? Jeremy's always got a plan. Loads of them. Often cunning. Not always greeted with wild enthusiasm by Kaleb and Cheerful Charlie, however . . . ___________ PRAISE FOR DIDDLY SQUAT 'Clarkson has done more for farmers in one series than Countryfile achieved in 30 years' James Rebanks, author of A Shepherd's Life 'Clarkson has showcased the passion, humour and personalities of the people who work throughout the year to grow the nation's food . . . and brought an understanding of many of the issues faced by farmers to the British public' National Farmers Union 'A deserving Farming Champion of the Year' Farmers Weekly 'I don't know anything about farming. It's like David Attenborough doing jet-skiing, or Nicholas Witchell saying, "I'm going to be a cage fighter'" Jeremy Clarkson

If You’d Just Let Me Finish

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 1405939060
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 208

Book Description
Clarkson is back! Pre order his brand new book now. ___________ In November 2016 we woke up to the news that the forthright presenter of a popular television programme had become the most powerful man on the planet. His name, sadly, was not Jeremy Clarkson, but we might not have been any more surprised if it had been. Because the world seems to have taken a decidedly odd turn since Jeremy last reflected on the state of things between the covers of a book. But who better than JC to help us navigate our way through the mess? And while he's being trying to make sense of it all he's discovered one or two things along the way, including - The disabling effects of being vegan - How Blackpool might be improved by drilling a hole through it - The problem with meditation - A perfect location for rebuilding Palmyra - Why Tom Cruise can worship lizards if he wants to It's all been a bit unsettling. But don't worry. If You'd Just Let Me Finish is Clarkson at his best. He may be as bemused, exasperated, amused and surprised as the rest of us, but in a world gone crazy, thank God someone has still got his head screwed on ... Praise for Clarkson: 'Brilliant...laugh-out-loud' - Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny...will have you in stiches' - Time Out 'Very funny...I cracked up laughing on the tube' - Evening Standard

Really?

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Penguin UK
ISBN: 1405939087
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 391

Book Description
JEREMY CLARKSON'S LATEST - AND MOST OUTRAGEOUS - TAKE ON THE WORLD CLARKSON'S BACK - AND THIS TIME HE'S PUTTING HIS FOOT DOWN From his first job as a travelling sales rep selling Paddington Bears to his latest wheeze as a gentleman farmer, Jeremy Clarkson's love of cars has just about kept him out of trouble. But in a persistently infuriating world, sometimes you have to race full-throttle at the speed-bumps. Because there's still plenty to get cross about, including: · Why nothing good ever came out of a meeting · Muesli's unmentionable side effects · Navigating London when every single road is being dug up at once · People who read online reviews of dishwashers · ****ing driverless cars Buckle up for a bumpy ride - you're holding the only book in history to require seatbelts . . . Praise for Jeremy Clarkson: Brilliant . . . Laugh-out-loud' Daily Telegraph 'Outrageously funny . . . Will have you in stitches' Time Out 'Very funny . . . I cracked up laughing on the tube' Evening Standard

If You'd Just Let Me Finish!

Author: Jeremy Clarkson
Publisher: Michael Joseph
ISBN: 9780241366738
Category : English wit and humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
Well, someone's got to do it- in a world which simply will not see reason, Jeremy sets off on another quest to beat a path of sense through all the silliness and idiocy. Pithy and provocative, this is Clarkson at his best, taking issue with whatever nonsense gets in the way of his search for all that's worth celebrating. Why should we be forced to accept stuff that's a bit rubbish? Shouldn't things work? What doesn't someone care? It's a good thing we've still got Jeremy out there, still looking, without fear or favour, for the answers.

The Grand Tour Guide to the World

Author: HarperCollins
Publisher: HarperCollins UK
ISBN: 0008257841
Category : Sports & Recreation
Languages : en
Pages : 392

Book Description
The world is a big place full of interesting things. And The Grand Tour has seen some of them. That’s why few people are better placed to lead you around this vast planet of ours than Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May. As long as you don’t mind getting hot and lost. Welcome, everyone, to The Grand Tour Guide to The World.

Find the Right Plan with Anatoly Karpov

Author: Anatoly Karpov
Publisher: Batsford Books
ISBN: 1849941009
Category : Games & Activities
Languages : en
Pages : 337

Book Description
• One of the world's greatest chess players reveals the secrets of how he plans his play • Packed with invaluable information on how to mobilise your forces, avoid threats and win the game • Illustrated with a wealth of annotated examples from the author's own games The legendary Anatoly Karpov has won over 250 Grandmaster tournaments, many more than any other player in chess history, and his games are characterised by his gradually and patiently pushing an opponent back to the wall, before finally finishing him off with a deadly blow. In this unique book, aimed at ordinary club players, Karpov gives a wealth of tips on how to incorporate this dramatic style of play into your own repertoire, through careful planning and evaluation of positions: looking at the fire-power of your forces, being aware of threats to your own king and how to safeguard it, and careful control of open lines. As he says himself: 'Finding the right plan is the key to success'. Warmily and accessibly written, but with Karpov's usual air of authority, this book makes you feel like you are spending an evening with the man himself, and will help you to absorb a little bit of the Karpov magic.

How to Land an A330 Airbus

Author: James May
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
ISBN: 1402269579
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 259

Book Description
His tongue-in-cheek technical explanations here will have you howling with laughter ...-Daily Telegraph After being given yet another pointless man manual that told him fifty ways to tie a bow tie in under thirty seconds, James May, star of the international TV phenomenon Top Gear, was certain guys needed a different kind of book. This book, in fact. He reckons there are nine vital things that a true man should be able to do. Not stuff you can download from the Internet, but really important things, like: HOW TO LAND AN A330 AIRBUS IN AN EMERGENCY* HOW TO PREPARE AND EAT YOUR BEST FRIEND HOW TO DRIVE THE PEPPERCORN CLASS A 1 4-6-2 PACIFIC LOCOMOTIVE TORNADO HOW TO DELIVER TWINS HOW TO DEFUSE AN UNEXPLODED WORLD WAR II BOMB The chances that you will ever meet with the circumstances outlined here are, frankly, very remote. But you're still better off knowing this stuff than not knowing it. Life is a lottery, and maybe, just maybe, it could be you who can do this stuff. But only if you've read this book. *Authors Note: This guide has been prepared for use in an absolute dire, buttock-clenching emergancy. None of the advice inside has been sanctioned by Airbus, any of its associates, or anyone else really. Do not attempt to fly the A330 Airbus on a recreational basis, or use one for joyriding. The A330 is not a toy.