Dave Barry Turns Fifty

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307778045
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 229

Book Description
From the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist comes a celebration of the aging process. Not just Dave's, but that of the whole Baby Boom Generation--those millions of us who set a standard for whining self-absorption that will never be equaled, and who gave birth to such stunning accomplishments as Saturday Night Live!, the New Age movement, and call waiting. Here Dave pinpoints the glaring signs that you've passed the half-century mark: - You are suddenly unable to read anything written in letters smaller than Marlon Brando. - You have accepted the fact that you can't possibly be hip. You don't even know if "hip" is the right word for hip anymore, and you don't care. - You remember nuclear-attack drills at school wherein you practiced protecting yourself by crouching under your desk, which was apparently made out of some kind of atomic-bomb-proof wood. - You can't name the secretary of defense, but you can still sing the Mister Clean song. So pop open a can of Geritol®, kick back in that recliner, grab those reading glasses, and let the good times roll--before they roll right over you!

Dave Barry Turns Fifty

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 9780345431691
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 228

Dave Barry's Complete Guide to Guys

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758745
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 270

Book Description
"Dave Barry is one funny human." --San Francisco Examiner For thousands of years, women have asked themselves: What is the deal with guys, anyway? What are they thinking? The answer, of course, is: virtually nothing. Deep down inside, guys are extremely shallow. But that has not stopped Dave Barry from writing an entire book about them. If you're a guy--or if you're attempting to share a remote control with one--you need this book, because it deals frankly and semi-thoroughly with such important guy issues as: Scratching The role of guys in world history, including the heretofore-unknown relationship between the discovery of North America and golf Why the average guy can remember who won the 1960 World Series, but not necessarily the names of all his children The Noogie Gene Why guys cannot simultaneously think and look at breasts Secret guy orgasm-delaying techniques, including the Margaret Thatcher Method Why guys prefer to believe that there is no such thing as a prostate And much, much more "Whether you're a guy--or attempting to share a bathroom with one--Barry has some wacky words of wisdom for you." --USA Today

Dave Barry Does Japan

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0449908100
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 222

Book Description
The award-winning author and syndicated columnist shares his humorous observations on his trip to Japan, sharing his thoughts on culture shock in all its numerous forms--from kabuki to public bathing. Reprint.

Dave Barry Slept Here

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758710
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 192

Book Description
“What caused the American Revolution? This is indeed a rhetorical question that for many years historians have begun chapters with. As well they should. For the American Revolution is without a doubt the single most important historical event to occur in this nation except of course for Super Bowl III (Jets 16. Colts 7. This historian won $35).” So goes the skewed sensibility, the muddied mind, the bent pen of one of America's funniest writers, Dave Barry. This time his subject is U.S. history, the way it's never been told before. Every single momentous event and crucial moment is covered, including . . . • The Birthing Contractions of a Nation • Kicking Some British Butt • Barging Westward • The Forging of a Large, Wasteful Bureaucracy • Deep Economic Doo-doo • The Fifties: Peace, Prosperity, Brain Death . . . and right up through the scintillating Reagan-Bush years, during which, Mr. Barry notes, America is steadfastly Napping Toward Glory. If you love to laugh, if you love your country, if you are unaware that “the Sixth Amendment states that if you are accused of a crime, you have a right to a trial before a jury of people too stupid to get out of jury duty,” Dave Barry Slept Here is the book you've been waiting for since 1776. Or at least since Super Bowl III. Praise for Dave Barry Slept Here “A dazzling performance . . . Barry is brilliant.”—The Washington Post Book World “[Dave] Barry turns his formidable wit to the subject of American history, with a result reminiscent of the Reduced Shakespeare Company: The better you know the original, the funnier it gets.”—Los Angeles Times “I fear that Mr. Barry's dream of making millions of dollars through mass sales of his book to a captive audience of innocent schoolchildren will not be realized, and he will have to be content with making readers laugh a lot, as this one did.”—The New York Times Book Review

Dave Barry in Cyberspace

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758680
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 226

Book Description
"RELENTLESSLY FUNNY . . . BARRY SHINES." --People A self-professed computer geek who actually does Windows 95, bestselling humorist Dave Barry takes us on a hilarious hard drive via the information superhighway--and into the very heart of cyberspace, asking the provocative question: If God had wanted us to be concise, why give us so many fonts? Inside you'll find juicy bytes on How to Buy and Set Up a Computer; Step One: Get Valium Nerdstock in the Desert; Or: Bill Gates Is Elvis Software: Making Your Computer Come Alive So It Can Attack You Word Processing: How to Press an Enormous Number of Keys Without Ever Actually Writing Anything Selected Web Sites, including Cursing in Swedish, Deformed Frog Pictures, and The Toilets of Melbourne, Australia And much, much more! "VERY FUNNY . . . After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of the book as a kind of screen saver for your brain." --New York Times Book Review

"My Teenage Son's Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old"

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 0740789376
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 138

Book Description
The popular humorist shares his hilarious observations and parenting and fatherhood. Dave Barry isn't just funny. His hilarious syndicated newspaper column and numerous best-selling books have sparked the kind of adulation that's often reserved for rock stars or world leaders. His wit cuts right to the core of life’s absurdities. In “My Teenage Son's Greatest Goal in Life Is to Make Me Feel 3,500 Years Old” and Other Thoughts on Parenting from Dave Barry, Dave shares his hopes, fears, and insights about his own stint as a father. “Most people make babies out to be very complicated, but the truth is they have only three moods: Mood One: Just about to cry. Mood Two: Crying. Mood Three: Just finished crying.”

Insane City

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 1101609192
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 357

Book Description
Seth Weinstein always knew Tina was way, way, way out of his league. Which is why he’s still astonished that he’s on a plane heading for their wedding in Florida. The Groom Posse has already pulled an airport prank on him—and he’s survived! It should be easy going from now on. But Seth has absolutely no idea what he’s about to get into. A simple drink or two with the boys sparks a series of events that will pit Seth and his friends against everything and everyone imaginable, from his very powerful, very disapproving soon-to-be father-in-law to the federal government to a love-struck orangutan. Seth’s hope for smooth sailing is turning into a trip on the Titanic. And the water is getting deeper by the minute…

Lessons From Lucy

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Simon & Schuster
ISBN: 1501161164
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 240

Book Description
In this “little gem” (Washington Independent Review of Books), Pulitzer Prize–winning columnist and New York Times bestselling author Dave Barry learns how to age happily from his old but joyful dog, Lucy. As Dave Barry turns seventy—not happily—he realizes that his dog, Lucy, is dealing with old age far better than he is. She has more friends, fewer worries, and way more fun. So Dave decides to figure out how Lucy manages to stay so happy, to see if he can make his own life happier by doing the things she does (except for drinking from the toilet). He reconnects with old friends and tries to make new ones—which turns out to be a struggle, because Lucy likes people a lot more than he does. And he gets back in touch with two ridiculous but fun groups from his past: the Lawn Rangers, a group of guys who march in parades pushing lawnmowers and twirling brooms (alcohol is involved), and the Rock Bottom Remainders, the world’s oldest and least-talented all-author band. With each new lesson, Dave riffs hilariously on dogs, people, and life in general, while also pondering Deep Questions, such as when it’s okay to lie. (Answer: when scallops are involved.) Lessons From Lucy shows readers a new side to Dave Barry that’s “touching and sentimental, but there’s still a laugh on every page” (The Sacramento Bee). The master humorist has written a witty and affable guide to joyous living at any age.

Homes and Other Black Holes

Author: Dave Barry
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307758826
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 153

Book Description
"Mr. Barry is the funniest man in America and we should encourage him." --The New York Times Book Review THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME--EXCEPT IN A SELLER'S MARKET At long last, Dave Barry, the dean of everything, lets you in on the deepest, darkest mysteries of life and answers your hysterical home purchase questions like they've never been answered before: What's the best way to determine a realistic price range? Take your total family income, including coins that have fallen behind the bureau, and any projected future revenue you have been notified about via personalized letters from Mr. Ed McMahon stating that you may already have won 14 million dollars. Then, multiply by something other than six. Can you recommend a good mortgage? There are several kinds: Fixed Rate, Variable Rate, and the bank's secret weapons, the Party Hat Mortgage and the Mortgage of the Living Dead. How can I avoid spending money on do-it-yourself homeowner's projects? Find a contractor. Their silent motto is "We Never Show Up." The Romans lived among the ruins. You must too. Is there a secret to having a beautiful lawn? Yes and no. If you fail to feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die. However, if you feed, fertilize, and water your lawn, it will die.