5,000 Great One Liners

Author: Grant Tucker
Publisher: Biteback Publishing
ISBN: 1849544824
Category : Reference
Languages : en
Pages : 355

Book Description
My mate told me that I just don't understand irony. Which was ironic because we were at a bus stop at the time. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. An onion just told me a joke. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. A priest, a rabbi and a blind man walk into a bar and the bartender says, 'What is this, some kind of joke?' I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller. I'll never forget what my granddad said to me just before he kicked the bucket. He said, 'Grandson, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?' Whether told in the rugby clubs of Wales or the gentlemen's clubs of London, their sharpness and simplicity unites us all. Short, sweet and wickedly clever, they hold a special place in the annals of comedy, and as the Twitter age heralds a resurrection of the art form, there seems no better time to celebrate the immortal one-liner. In this riveting read, Times diary columnist Grant Tucker does just that, bringing together 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever told in one definitive volume. Laugh-out-loud funny, 5,000 Great One-Liners has all the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you'll ever need - and a whole lot more.

5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners

Author:
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1628734205
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 373

Book Description
“I’ll never forget the words my granddad said before he kicked the bucket. He said ‘Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.’” “The key to any marriage is spontaneity. You’ve got to be ready to leave at any time.” Bringing together some of the funniest, wittiest, and most cutting jokes the world over, Grant Tucker’s volume is the definitive collection of the quips comedians call “one-liners.” Short, sweet, and undeniably clever, one-liners hold a special place in the history of comedy, and the rise of Twitter and social media seems to have ushered in a new era of this comedic art form. With most people expressing themselves in 140 characters or less, there seems no better time to celebrate Grant’s collection and the immortal one-liner. Side-splittingly funny, 5,000 Sidesplitting Jokes and One-Liners has all the puns, zingers, and witty remarks you could ever ask for—and many you’d never dream of asking for. “My granddad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.” “A dyslexic man walks into a bra.” “Corduroy pillows: they’re making headlines!” “Promises are a bit like babies: fun to make but hard to deliver.” “Schizophrenia—together I can beat it.” “Drugs are never the answer. Unless the clue is: ‘Narcotics, five letters.’”

More One Liners, Jokes and Gags

Author: Grant Tucker
Publisher: Biteback Publishing
ISBN: 184954672X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 298

Book Description
After making us laugh out loud with 5,000 Great One-Liners, Grant Tucker goes one better with this uproarious sequel! More One-Liners is another hilarious volume of the finest quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks known to humanity. From twists on the classics to modern greats, from A-grade antics to X-rated gags, from jokes you could tell your mother to jokes about yo momma, there's something short, sweet and wickedly clever for everyone in this definitive volume.

The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said

Author: Robert Byrne
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 145164891X
Category : Reference
Languages : en
Pages : 674

Book Description
A fresh selection of sharp, witty zingers gathered from both famous and utterly unknown (but very quotable) sources, by the editor of the popular quote collection The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said. Robert Byrne’s quote books are widely praised as authoritative and accessible sources of sayings for any and all occasions. Byrne’s own wit, diligent research, and creativity combine to form a fresh go-to reference that serves readers better than Google—no Wi-Fi required. The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said is an all-new collection of clever quips and laugh-out-loud punch lines from Gracie Allen to Frank Zappa, on such topics as sex, divorce, religion, fashion, animals, and money: STEVE MARTIN: “I’d do anything for a good body except exercise and eat right.” JON STEWART: “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” NORA EPHRON: “Successful parents have adult children who can pay for their own psychoanalysis.” This compilation, to be enjoyed by generations young and old, deserves a place of honor on every language lover’s bookshelf.

The Mammoth Book of One-Liners

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1780335369
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 607

Book Description
A collection of 10,000 side-splitting one-line jokes arranged in categories from bestselling humour editor Geoff Tibballs. 'Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.' 'Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.' 'I read somewhere that 26 is too old to still live with your parents. It was on a note, in my room.'

The Complete Book of Zingers

Author: Croft M. Pentz
Publisher: Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.
ISBN: 9780842304672
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 386

Book Description
You could call them one-sentence sermons or one-sentence solutions. Use them to spice up your speeches, sermons, church bulletins--anywhere a quick word of wit or wisdom is needed.

Ultimate Book of Jokes

Author: Scott McNeely
Publisher: Chronicle Books
ISBN: 0811877957
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 349

Book Description
From road-crossing chickens and classic knock-knock jokes to the naughty, nice, and totally soused, no subject goes unmocked in this collection of more than 1,500 jokes, packaged in a deluxe embossed board cover with two-color line art throughout.

It's Not Easy Bein' Me

Author: Rodney Dangerfield
Publisher: Zondervan
ISBN: 006195764X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 292

Book Description
An American comic icon tells the story of his second–act rise from obscurity to multimedia stardom. "When I was a kid," writes Rodney Dangerfield, "I worked tough places in show business––places like Fonzo's Knuckle Room. Or Aldo's, formerly Vito's, formerly Nunzio's. That was a tough joint. I looked at the menu. They had broken leg of lamb." For once, one of America's most beloved comic icons isn't kidding. Dangerfield has seen every aspect of the entertainment industry: the rough–and–tumble nightclubs, the backstage gag–writing sessions, the drugs, the hookers, the lousy day jobs – and the red–carpet star treatment. As he traces his route from a poor childhood on Long Island to his enshrinement as a comedy legend, he takes readers on a roller–coaster ride through a life that has been alternately touching, sordid, funny, raunchy, and uplifting – equal parts "Little Orphan Annie" and "Caligula." And unlike most celebrity autobiographers, he seems to have no qualms about delivering the unfiltered whole story, warts and all. Dangerfield's personal story is also a rollicking show business tale, full of marquee name–droppings (Adam Sandler, Sam Kinison, Jim Carrey, Johnny Carson, Jerry Seinfeld) and good stories about same. Defying the old saws about the fleeting nature of fame and the dearth of second acts in American life, Dangerfield transformed himself from a debt–ridden aluminium–siding salesman named Jack Roy to a multimedia superstar – and stayed an icon for decades. His catchphrase – "I get no respect" – has entered the lexicon, and he remains a visible cultural presence and perennial talk–show guest. Dangerfield's hilarious and inspiring musings should thrill comedy fans and pop–culture watchers, and his second–act comeback will strike a chord with readers of all stripes. Maybe he'll even get some respect.

Python One-Liners

Author: Christian Mayer
Publisher: No Starch Press
ISBN: 1718500513
Category : Computers
Languages : en
Pages : 217

Book Description
Python programmers will improve their computer science skills with these useful one-liners. Python One-Liners will teach you how to read and write "one-liners": concise statements of useful functionality packed into a single line of code. You'll learn how to systematically unpack and understand any line of Python code, and write eloquent, powerfully compressed Python like an expert. The book's five chapters cover tips and tricks, regular expressions, machine learning, core data science topics, and useful algorithms. Detailed explanations of one-liners introduce key computer science concepts and boost your coding and analytical skills. You'll learn about advanced Python features such as list comprehension, slicing, lambda functions, regular expressions, map and reduce functions, and slice assignments. You'll also learn how to: • Leverage data structures to solve real-world problems, like using Boolean indexing to find cities with above-average pollution • Use NumPy basics such as array, shape, axis, type, broadcasting, advanced indexing, slicing, sorting, searching, aggregating, and statistics • Calculate basic statistics of multidimensional data arrays and the K-Means algorithms for unsupervised learning • Create more advanced regular expressions using grouping and named groups, negative lookaheads, escaped characters, whitespaces, character sets (and negative characters sets), and greedy/nongreedy operators • Understand a wide range of computer science topics, including anagrams, palindromes, supersets, permutations, factorials, prime numbers, Fibonacci numbers, obfuscation, searching, and algorithmic sorting By the end of the book, you'll know how to write Python at its most refined, and create concise, beautiful pieces of "Python art" in merely a single line.

Board of Contract Appeals Decisions

Author: United States. Armed Services Board of Contract Appeals
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category : Defense contracts
Languages : en
Pages : 1480

Book Description
The full texts of Armed Services and othr Boards of Contract Appeals decisions on contracts appeals.