Men Are Stupid . . . And They Like Big Boobs

Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1416599223
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 306

Book Description
Delivered with Joan's signature sense of humour, Men Are Stupid...And They Like Big Boobs is a no-nonsense, common-sense, "can-we-talk" guide to the ins and outs of such increasingly common beauty procedures as botox injections, chemical peels, microdermabrasion, liposuction, rhinoplasty, eye lifts, breast augmentation-and much more. Chapters include: Peels and Fillers, Sucks to Be You, Eyes Wide Open, Care Enough to Do Your Very, Very Breast, Less Where You Don't Want It, More Where You Do, and Bringing Up the Rear. Filled with practical wisdom and plenty of wisecracks, this fun and inspirational guide is for every woman who wants to look and feel gorgeous.

I Hate Everyone...Starting with Me

Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Penguin Group
ISBN: 0425255891
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 273

Book Description
“An entertaining rant…The only thing missing is the sound of a drumroll and cymbals to feel as though one is sitting in a nightclub watching a live comedy marathon…A raucous, biting look at life.”—Kirkus Reviews “Nobody, but nobody, can hate like Joan Rivers. It is a gift. It is also shocking, the things she makes us laugh at…Joan Rivers is extraordinary, but she's not for the easily offended—or for anyone who gets offended at all. ”—People Joan Rivers, comedienne, actress, jewelry monger, and an award-winning international star (she can sneer in eight different languages) lives by her own golden rule: Do unto others before they do unto you—and for God’s sakes, do it funny! Her career in comedy may have begun with self-loathing, but, after looking at the human decrepitude around her, she figured Why stop here when there are so many other things to hate? With all of her diverse experiences, Joan has looked down at, turned away from, and thrown up over a lot of hateful things, deplorable places, and despicable people. Thank God she took notes. Here—uncensored and uninhibited—Joan says exactly what’s on her mind…And HER mind is a terrible thing to waste. She proudly kicks the crap out of ugly children, dating rituals, funerals, and lousy restaurants. She nails First Ladies, closet cases, and hypocrites to the wall. She shows no mercy towards doctors and feminists, and even goes after Anne Frank and Stephen Hawking. Joan lets everyone—including herself—have it in this one hundred percent honest and unabashedly hilarious love letter to the hater in all of us.

Men Are Stupid . . . And They Like Big Boobs

Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1439123683
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 430

Book Description
Red carpet fashion laureate, comic icon, and outspoken superstar Joan Rivers gives her signature straight-talking advice to women on how to live better through looking better. Joan Rivers’s abiding life philosophy is simple: in the appearance focused society of the twenty-first century, beauty is key—especially where men are concerned. So, getting something lifted, tightened, adjusted, or removed is as fundamental as wearing makeup or using hair conditioner. Now, for any woman considering her options, Joan takes the mystery out of cosmetic surgery with a practical overview, aided and informed by the country's top plastic surgeons. She takes us step-by-step through these entire processes, from finding the right doctor to the bruising truth about recovery and the facts about cosmetic surgery’s very real risks. Of course, Joan also dishes about who’s had what done in Hollywood and her own witty insights about her life under the knife. Part hilarious bitch-fest and part hands-on advice, this is a bracingly funny, wildly frank, and genuinely passionate argument for a woman's right to do whatever it takes to be beautiful, to feel better about herself, and most of all to be happy.

Little Bee

Author: Chris Cleave
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1416589643
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 304

Book Description
Millions of people have read, discussed, debated, cried, and cheered with Little Bee, a Nigerian refugee girl whose violent and courageous journey puts a stunning face on the worldwide refugee crisis. “Little Bee will blow you away.” —The Washington Post The lives of a sixteen-year-old Nigerian orphan and a well-off British woman collide in this page-turning #1 New York Times bestseller, book club favorite, and “affecting story of human triumph” (The New York Times Book Review) from Chris Cleave, author of Gold and Everyone Brave Is Forgiven. We don’t want to tell you too much about this book. It is a truly special story and we don’t want to spoil it. Nevertheless, you need to know something, so we will just say this: It is extremely funny, but the African beach scene is horrific. The story starts there, but the book doesn’t. And it’s what happens afterward that is most important. Once you have read it, you’ll want to tell everyone about it. When you do, please don’t tell them what happens either. The magic is in how it unfolds.

Verity

Author: Colleen Hoover
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
ISBN: 153872474X
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 295

Book Description
Whose truth is the lie? Stay up all night reading the sensational psychological thriller that has readers obsessed, from the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Too Late and It Ends With Us. #1 New York Times Bestseller · USA Today Bestseller · Globe and Mail Bestseller · Publishers Weekly Bestseller Lowen Ashleigh is a struggling writer on the brink of financial ruin when she accepts the job offer of a lifetime. Jeremy Crawford, husband of bestselling author Verity Crawford, has hired Lowen to complete the remaining books in a successful series his injured wife is unable to finish. Lowen arrives at the Crawford home, ready to sort through years of Verity’s notes and outlines, hoping to find enough material to get her started. What Lowen doesn’t expect to uncover in the chaotic office is an unfinished autobiography Verity never intended for anyone to read. Page after page of bone-chilling admissions, including Verity's recollection of the night her family was forever altered. Lowen decides to keep the manuscript hidden from Jeremy, knowing its contents could devastate the already grieving father. But as Lowen’s feelings for Jeremy begin to intensify, she recognizes all the ways she could benefit if he were to read his wife’s words. After all, no matter how devoted Jeremy is to his injured wife, a truth this horrifying would make it impossible for him to continue loving her.

From Mother to Daughter

Author: Joan Rivers
Publisher: Birch Lane Press
ISBN: 9781559724937
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 104

Book Description
In this remarkable, touching, and timely book--which grew out of a letter to her daughter Melissa--comedienne and talk show host Joan Rivers writes about a series of highly personal but universal subjects, including religion, fate, sex, life changes, the importance of touching and contact, money, trust, love, and death.

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks

Author: Adam Carolla
Publisher: Crown
ISBN: 0307717380
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 274

Book Description
A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, "You've got to be kidding me, son." The bartender replied, "New policy. Everyone has to show their ID." Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II. It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past—Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

The Reasons I Won't Be Coming

Author: Elliot Perlman
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 9781594482236
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 338

Book Description
The stories in this collection explore the complex worlds of lovers, poets, lawyers, immigrants, students, and murderers. They tell of corporate betrayals and lost opportunities, and of the obsessions, hopes, fears, and vagaries of desire.

The Sense of an Ending

Author: Julian Barnes
Publisher: Vintage
ISBN: 0307957330
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 158

Book Description
BOOKER PRIZE WINNER • NATIONAL BESTSELLER • A novel that follows a middle-aged man as he contends with a past he never much thought about—until his closest childhood friends return with a vengeance: one of them from the grave, another maddeningly present. A novel so compelling that it begs to be read in a single setting, The Sense of an Ending has the psychological and emotional depth and sophistication of Henry James at his best, and is a stunning achievement in Julian Barnes's oeuvre. Tony Webster thought he left his past behind as he built a life for himself, and his career has provided him with a secure retirement and an amicable relationship with his ex-wife and daughter, who now has a family of her own. But when he is presented with a mysterious legacy, he is forced to revise his estimation of his own nature and place in the world.

Tenth of December

Author: George Saunders
Publisher: A&C Black
ISBN: 1408837358
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 289

Book Description
The prize-winning, New York Times bestselling short story collection from the internationally bestselling author of Lincoln in the Bardo 'The best book you'll read this year' New York Times 'Dazzlingly surreal stories about a failing America' Sunday Times WINNER OF THE 2014 FOLIO PRIZE AND SHORTLISTED FOR THE NATIONAL BOOK AWARD 2013 George Saunders's most wryly hilarious and disturbing collection yet, Tenth of December illuminates human experience and explores figures lost in a labyrinth of troubling preoccupations. A family member recollects a backyard pole dressed for all occasions; Jeff faces horrifying ultimatums and the prospect of Darkenfloxx(TM) in some unusual drug trials; and Al Roosten hides his own internal monologue behind a winning smile that he hopes will make him popular. With dark visions of the future riffing against ghosts of the past and the ever-settling present, this collection sings with astonishing charm and intensity.