The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes

Author: E. Henry Thripshaw
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1849016658
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 456

Book Description
The ultimate collection of tasteless and sick jokes that just shouldn't be told. More than 3,000 off-colour jokes, covering every taboo from sex and death to race and disability, this book leaves no stone unturned in its search for the most dubious jokes known to humanity. Why exactly do we like to laugh at jokes that are cruel, heartless and downright wrong? And more to the point, who cares so long as they make us laugh? Twice as funny, twice as outrageous, twice as shocking. From Anne Frank's drum kit to the correct use of wheelchairs, this is a fantastic new collection of bad taste and political incorrectness. If you even think about reading it you're a monster; if you buy it you're going straight to hell. Includes gems such as these: My father is in a coma. He's just living the dream. Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? Because they're very bitter. What do you do if a pit bull mounts your leg? Fake an orgasm. How do you stop a politician from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water. The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It's mostly drum and bass. I went to see my friend's new baby. They asked me if I wanted to wind him. I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg instead. Remember, a doggy is not just for Christmas. It's a great position all year round.

The Mammoth Book of Tasteless and Outrageous Lists

Author: Karl Shaw
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 147211745X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 452

Book Description
Prepare to be even more revolted, flabbergasted, appalled and entertained by this incredible follow-up collection of bizarre but absolutely true trivia. Nothing is too distasteful for this astonishing compendium, including scores of eclectic lists to amuse, astonish and appal your friends. Entries include: 10 Road-kill Recipes History’s 10 Most Murderous Regimes 10 Historic Sex Toys 10 People who Married Their Nieces 10 Deaths by Sex 10 People Killed by Falling Animals 10 Ancient Remedies Containing Body Parts 10 Flatalogical Facts 8 Most Violent National Anthems 15 Premature Obituaries 10 Unusual Royal Deaths 10 Cruel and Unusual Punishments 10 Notable Executions 12 Elizabethan Insults

The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes

Author: E. Henry Thripshaw
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1849016658
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 456

The Mammoth Book of Weird News

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1849019592
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 713

Book Description
A humorous collection of hundreds of funny news stories, whacky phenomena, and hilarious blunders and gaffes from around the world, such as: the woman who smuggled 75 live snakes in her bra; the man who held a funeral for his amputated foot; the radioactive cat which got mistaken for a bomb; the human tongue that got served up in a hospital; the X-ray that revealed E.T.'s face in a duck; the youth who woke to find a bullet in his tongue; the tortoise that set a house on fire; and many more.

The Mammoth Book of Great British Humour

Author: Michael Powell
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1849016690
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 490

Book Description
A doorstopper of a collection of the very best of both contemporary and classic British wit and humour. From Monty Python's 'Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more . . .' to Dan Antopolski's 'Hedgehogs. Why can't they just share the hedge?'. From George Bernard Shaw to Michael McIntyre, from Eric Morecombe to Omid Djalili, and from Oscar Wilde to Jimmy Carr, a side-splitting look at Britain, the British and life in general. Including these gems from Britain's finest comedians: I was delighted to learn that my friend's schadenfreude was not as satisfying as mine. Armando Iannucci. I went on a girls' night out recently. The invitation said 'dress to kill'. I went as Rose West. Zoe Lyons For a while I was the perfect mother. Then the Pethidine wore off. Jenny Eclair. My girlfriend was complaining last night that I never listen to her. Or something like that. Jack Dee. Why do dogs always race to the door when the doorbell rings because it's hardly ever for them? Harry Hill. Arse-gravy of the very worst kind. Stephen Fry on The Da Vinci Code. You have to come up with this shit every year. Last week I just wrote "I still love you, see last year's card for full details." Michael McIntyre on Valentines Day. I went to the doctor and he said, 'You've got hypochondria.' I said, 'Not that as well!'Tim Vine. I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge. Spike Milligan. When someone close to you dies, move seats. Peter Kay. My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden. Eric Morecambe. My dad's dying wish was to have his family around him. I can't help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. Jimmy Carr. Eighty-two point six per cent of statistics are made up on the spot. Vic Reeves. A bird in the hand invariably shits on your wrist. Billy Connolly. Getting divorced isn't like a bereavement at all, because if he's died, I'd have had me mortgage paid, and I could've danced on his grave. Sarah Millican. My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela: incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990, he's been out about 18 years now and he hasn't re-offended. Ricky Gervais. If you want to confuse a girl, buy her a pair of chocolate shoes. Milton Jones. Phil Collins is losing his hearing, making him the luckiest man at a Phil Collins Concert. Simon Amstell. We'll continue our investigation into the political beliefs of nudists. We've already noticed a definite swing to the left. Ronnie Barker. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts. Tommy Cooper

The Mammoth Book Of Everest

Author: Jon E. Lewis
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1472120191
Category : Sports & Recreation
Languages : en
Pages : 548

Book Description
This selection of the very best writing on Everest begins with the first attempts and continues, via Mallory's failed bid and Hillary and Tenzing's triumph, to the disasters of recent years. It features 35 white-knuckle accounts of climbing on the world's highest mountain, with all the tragedy and triumph of humankind's striving for the top of the world, by those who know the 'Death Zone' best - the climbers themselves. But this is much more than just the best of exhilarating first-hand accounts of climbing on Everest. It includes the full history of the conquest of Everest, and provides an evocative portrait of the cruel, natural beauty of Chomolungma, 'The Mother Goddess of the World'.

At First Sight

Author: Nicholas Sparks
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
ISBN: 0759514380
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 276

Book Description
In this #1 New York Times bestselling follow-up to True Believer, a young couple's love faces the ultimate test when the past disrupts the life and family they've built together. There are a few things Jeremy Marsh was sure he'd never do: he'd never leave New York City; never give his heart away again after barely surviving one failed marriage; and, most of all, never become a parent. Now, Jeremy is living in the tiny town of Boone Creek, North Carolina, married to Lexie Darnell, the love of his life, and anticipating the birth of their daughter. But just as his life seems to be settling into a blissful pattern, an unsettling and mysterious message re-opens old wounds and sets off a chain of events that will forever change the course of this young couple's marriage. Dramatic, heartbreaking and surprising, this is a story about the love between a man and a woman and between a parent and a child. More than that, it is a story that beautifully portrays how the same emotion that can break your heart is also the one that will ultimately heal it. While the novel picks up the tale of Lexie Darnell and Jeremy Marsh that started in True Believer and will delight fans of that novel, it stands on its own as one of Nicholas Sparks's most deeply moving love stories.

What Is It All but Luminous

Author: Art Garfunkel
Publisher: Vintage
ISBN: 0385352468
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 258

Book Description
"Poetic musings on a life well-lived—one that is still moving forward, always creating, always luminous. This isn't your typical autobiography. Garfunkel's history is told in flowing prose, bounding from present to past, far from a linear rags-to-riches story." —Bookreporter "It's hard to imagine any single word that would accurately describe this book . . . an entertaining volume that's more fun to read than a conventional memoir might have been." —The Wall Street Journal "A charming book of prose and poetry printed in a digitalized version of his handwriting . . . witty, candid, and wildly imaginative . . . A highly intelligent man trying to make sense of his extraordinary life." —Associated Press From the golden-haired, curly-headed half of Simon & Garfunkel, a memoir (of sorts)—moving, lyrical impressions, interspersed throughout a narrative, punctuated by poetry, musings, lists of resonant books loved and admired, revealing a life and the making of a musician, that show us, as well, the evolution of a man, a portrait of a life-long friendship and of a collaboration that became the most successful singing duo in the roiling age that embraced, and was defined by, their pathfinding folk-rock music. In What Is It All but Luminous, Art Garfunkel writes about growing up in the 1940s and ‘50s (son of a traveling salesman, listening as his father played Enrico Caruso records), a middle-class Jewish boy, living in a redbrick semi-attached house on Jewel Avenue in Kew Gardens, Queens. He writes of meeting Paul Simon, the kid who made Art laugh (they met at their graduation play, Alice in Wonderland; Paul was the White Rabbit; Art, the Cheshire Cat). Of their being twelve at the birth of rock’n’roll (“it was rhythm and blues. It was black. I was captured and so was Paul”), of a demo of their song, Hey Schoolgirl for seven dollars and the actual record (with Paul’s father on bass) going to #40 on the charts. He writes about their becoming Simon & Garfunkel, ruling the pop charts from the age of sixteen, about not being a natural performer but more a thinker, an underground man. He writes of the hit songs; touring; about being an actor working with directors Mike Nichols (“the greatest of them all”), about choosing music over a PhD in mathematics. And he writes about his long-unfolding split with Paul, and how and why it evolved, and after; learning to perform on his own . . . and about being a husband, a father and much more.

The Little Black Book of Dirty Jokes

Author:
Publisher: Peter Pauper Press, Inc.
ISBN: 1441300287
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 146

Book Description
This raunchy little collection of smutty jokes serves up obscene amounts of fodder for every tasteless occasion. No one escapes its gritty pages, from doctors and ministers to donkeys and octogenarians. Warning: Mature (actually immature) Content.

The Mammoth Book of Best British Crime 8

Author: Maxim Jakubowski
Publisher: C & R Crime
ISBN: 1849017611
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 547

Book Description
The must-have annual anthology for every crime fiction fan - the year's top new British short stories selected by leading crime critic Maxim Jakubowski. This great annual covers the full range of mystery fiction, from noir and hardboiled crime to ingenious puzzles and amateur sleuthing. Packed with top names such as: Ian Rankin (including a new Rebus), Alexander McCall Smith, David Hewson, Christopher Brookmyre, Simon Kernick, A.L. Kennedy, Louise Walsh, Kate Atkinson, Colin Bateman, Stuart McBride and Andrew Taylor. The full list of contributors is as follows: Ian Rankin, Mick Herron, Denise Mina, Edward Marston, Marilyn Todd, Kate Atkinson, Stuart MacBride, David Hewson, Alexander McCall Smith, Nigel Bird, Robert Barnard, Lin Anderson, Allan Guthrie, A.L. Kennedy, Simon Kernick, Roz Southey, Andrew Taylor, Sheila Quigley, Phil Lovesey, Declan Burke, Keith McCarthy, Christopher Brookmyre, Gerard Brennan, Matthew J. Elliott, Colin Bateman, Ray Banks, Simon Brett, Adrian Magson, Jay Stringer, Amy Myers, Nick Quantrill, Stephen Booth, Paul Johnston, Zoë Sharp, Paul D. Brazill, Peter Lovesey, Louise Welsh, Liza Cody, Peter Turnbull and Nicholas Royle.