The Government Manual for New Wizards

The Government Manual for New Wizards PDF Author: Matthew David Brozik
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 0740789120
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 196

Book Description
The comedic duo behind The Government Manual for New Superheroes is back, and this time they've brought their magic wands and enchanted artifacts. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a hilarious, mock-official handbook for wannabe witches and warlocks who need advice on recognizing the onset of wizardolescence, understanding the laws of magic (and the magic of laws), choosing (or being chosen by) the right magical items and enchanted artifacts, dealing with the dead (grateful and otherwise), successfully hosting magical exhibitions, and the proper care and feeding of magical creatures. Wands, charms, cloaks of invisibility, shoes of stealth (or sneakers), and other otherworldly accoutrements--it's all here, discussed tongue-in-cheek but with the utmost Governmental authority. This entertaining guide offers such sage advice as: * A demon is just as afraid of you as you are of it--provided, of course, that you are eight feet tall, composed of living fire, and capable of destroying a small village with a single angry thought. Otherwise, it doesn't find you frightening at all. * When selecting educational programs, do not be tempted by solicitations from wizardry parchment mills. A so-called degree from such a place is not worth the scroll on which it appears to be inscribed. The ink will disappear not long after the school itself does. The Government Manual for New Wizards is a sidesplitting spoof of all things wizard-y.

The Government Manual for New Superheroes

The Government Manual for New Superheroes PDF Author: Matthew David Brozik
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 0740789090
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 161

Book Description
The government provides manuals for new home-owners and new motor vehicle operators, but what's a new superhero to do? Ka-POW! The Government Manual for New Superheroes rushes in to save the day! The Government Manual for New Superheroes is a hilarious, mock-official handbook that offers thorough, accessible, and completely zany advice for anyone who has always dreamed of donning a skintight spandex uniform and leaping across the rooftops of their cities. Going well beyond tights and capes, this manual provides insight into choosing a name, constructing a costume, choosing the right supertools of the supertrade, establishing a base of operations, maintaining a secret identity, taking or becoming a sidekick, joining a superheroic team, and even finding that special someone who gives meaning to a superhero's life--a nemesis. Extra features include a roster of superhero unions, a registration application, several useful charts and tips, and even a list of other government-sponsored periodicals for further reading. Destined to become a cult classic, The Government Manual for New Superheroes is an essential guide for every aspiring superhero.

The Government Manual for New Pirates

The Government Manual for New Pirates PDF Author: Matthew David Brozik
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 0740789236
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 144

Book Description
There be no callin' 'dibs' in piratin'. Booty be divided among the crew, from the lowest deckswabber to the highest masthand. So says the Pirate Code." --Calico Jack Rackham, king of the pirates * Enjoy a witty mock-official handbook for potential pirates and plunderers. Matthew David Brozik and Jacob Sager Weinstein continue to spoof those uber-utilitarian survival and how-to guides by offering this pithy pirating primer for budding buccaneers. This treasure trove of Pirate Code imparts wisdom on eye patches and tricorner hats, talking the talk, walking the walk (down the plank, that is), appropriate ship names, dueling, avoiding cursed treasure, and much more.

How Not to Kill Your Baby

How Not to Kill Your Baby PDF Author: Jacob Sager Weinstein
Publisher: Andrews McMeel Publishing
ISBN: 1449409911
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 137

Book Description
This tongue-in-cheek parenting book is a hilarious parody of every fear-mongering, crazy-making pregnancy and parenting manual parents have ever cringed over.

Alice + Freda Forever

Alice + Freda Forever PDF Author: Alexis Coe
Publisher: Millbrook Press
ISBN: 1541581679
Category : Young Adult Nonfiction
Languages : en
Pages : 280

Book Description
Alice + Freda Forever is a gut-wrenching story of love, death, and the dangers of intolerance."—Bustle In 1892, America was obsessed with a teenage murderess, but it wasn't her crime that shocked the nation—it was her motivation. Nineteen-year-old Alice Mitchell had planned to pass as a man in order to marry her seventeen-year-old fiancée Freda Ward, but when their love letters were discovered, they were forbidden from ever speaking again. Freda adjusted to this fate with an ease that stunned a heartbroken Alice. Her desperation grew with each unanswered letter—and her father's razor soon went missing. On January 25, Alice publicly slashed her ex-fiancée's throat. Her same-sex love was deemed insane by her father that very night, and medical experts agreed: This was a dangerous and incurable perversion. As the courtroom was expanded to accommodate national interest, Alice spent months in jail—including the night that three of her fellow prisoners were lynched (an event which captured the attention of journalist and civil rights activist Ida B. Wells). After a jury of "the finest men in Memphis" declared Alice insane, she was remanded to an asylum, where she died under mysterious circumstances just a few years later. Alice + Freda Forever recounts this tragic, real-life love story with over 100 illustrated love letters, maps, artifacts, historical documents, newspaper articles, courtroom proceedings, and intimate, domestic scenes.

Untwine

Untwine PDF Author: Edwidge Danticat
Publisher: Scholastic Inc.
ISBN: 0545843316
Category : Young Adult Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 250

Book Description
“A genuinely moving exploration of the pain of separation” from the New York Times-bestselling author and National Book Award finalist (The New York Times Book Review). NAACP Image Awards Outstanding Literary Work 2015 VOYA Magazine Perfect Ten CCBC Choices List Selection Bank Street College of Education Best Children’s Books of the Year, 2016 New York Public Library Best Books for Teens Selection Giselle Boyer and her identical twin, Isabelle, are as close as sisters can be, even as their family seems to be unraveling. Then the Boyers have a tragic encounter that will shatter everyone’s world forever. Giselle wakes up in the hospital, injured and unable to speak or move. Trapped in the prison of her own body, Giselle must revisit her past in order to understand how the people closest to her—her friends, her parents, and above all, Isabelle, her twin—have shaped and defined her. Will she allow her love for her family and friends to lead her to recovery? Or will she remain lost in a spiral of longing and regret? Untwine is a spellbinding tale, lyrical and filled with love, mystery, humor, and heartbreak. Award-winning author Edwidge Danticat brings her extraordinary talent to this graceful and unflinching examination of the bonds of friendship, romance, family, the horrors of loss, and the strength we must discover in ourselves when all seems hopeless. “While Danticat fully grounds Giselle in her identity as a Haitian-American teen in Miami, this gentle young artist could speak to any teen anywhere coping with a major loss.” —The Philadelphia Inquirer

The Little SAS Enterprise Guide Book

The Little SAS Enterprise Guide Book PDF Author: Susan J. Slaughter
Publisher: SAS Institute
ISBN: 1629608882
Category : Computers
Languages : en
Pages : 330

Book Description
Learning to use SAS Enterprise Guide has never been easier! Whether you are using SAS Enterprise Guide for the first time, or are looking to expand your skills, this is the book for you! With The Little SAS Enterprise Guide Book, award-winning authors Susan Slaughter and Lora Delwiche help you quickly become productive in the SAS Enterprise Guide point-and-click environment. A series of carefully designed tutorials help you master the basics of the tasks you'll want to do most frequently. The reference section of the book expands on the tutorial topics, covering specific features in more depth. This edition has been completely rewritten, and updated with new features in SAS Enterprise Guide.

Computerworld

Computerworld PDF Author:
Publisher:
ISBN:
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 112

Book Description
For more than 40 years, Computerworld has been the leading source of technology news and information for IT influencers worldwide. Computerworld's award-winning Web site (Computerworld.com), twice-monthly publication, focused conference series and custom research form the hub of the world's largest global IT media network.
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