Should've Gone Tae Speavers, Ref!

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 1909912646
Category : Sports & Recreation
Languages : en
Pages : 136

Book Description
The referee. You can't have a game without one. The most hated man (or woman) in football but you have to invite one to every game. Enjoy a laugh at the anti and wicked humour of Scottish referee Big Erchie, a powerhouse at five foot five, and a top grade referee who strikes fear into he hearts of managers and players alike as he stringently applies the laws of the game. But Big Erchie is burdened with a terrible secret... He's a Stirling Albion supporter. EXCERPT: A booking by Big Erchie is a painstaking ritual for both player and referee as he calmly and prosaically enters the name of the offender in his book with the care of a monk drawing an illustrated letter, while at the same time gutting and filleting the culprit in a voice reminiscent of an acetylene torch set on full heat. Alas, on occasion, a frustrating petulant demonstration of power causes him to show a red card when a yellow would probably have suffice. Deep in his bosom, Big Erchie is consumed by a loathing of simulation, especially diving in the box. 'Some of that lot should get an Oscar nomination thrown in with their red card,' he continually moans. His trademark waving of his arms accompanied by a snort and roll of the eye suggests that, for some players, bringing back the birch would not be inappropriate.

'Goannae No Dae That!'

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 1910324361
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 181

Book Description
The Scots have a unique way of communicating their feelings. Their sayings are cheeky, to the point, rude and always funny. Scotland's bestselling humour author is back with his latest collection of hilarious Scottish sayings.'Away an' bile yer heid an' mak silly soup!'That wan's in everything but the Co-operative windae!''If ah had your money ah wid burn ma ain''Ye've goat a heid oan ye like a stair-heid''The gemme's a bogie''Yer cruisin' fur a bruisin'''Ah'm that hungry ah could eat a scabbie-heided horse''Castor oil cures everythin' but a widden leg''Wan minute yer a peacock an' the next yer a feather duster''Yer talkin' mince withoot a tattie in sight''Lang may yer lum reek, an' may a wee moose never leave yer kitchen press wi' a tear in its ee''Yer herr's mingin', hingin' an' clingin''From the infallible wisdom of the Glesca Granny, to the hilarious patter of larger-than-life conductress Big Aggie MacDonald, Allan Morrison has a sharp eye and a silver tongue when it comes to observational humour.SCOTLAND ON SUNDAY on Haud Ma Chips, Ah've Drapped the Wean!

More Than a Game

Author: Archie Macpherson
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 1912387999
Category : History
Languages : en
Pages : 292

Book Description
'This is like a scene from Apocalypse Now' Archie Macpherson examines the story of football's most explosive rivalry - Celtic v Rangers. In this book he centres on the infamous riot at the Old Firm Scottish Cup Final at Hampden on 10 May 1980, at which he was the match commentator, and which resulted in the banning of alcohol in football grounds. He explores his memories of the many clashes between the two clubs over his half-century broadcasting career. This leads him inevitably to the sources of the sectarianism which has characterised this fixture and the West of Scotland. He weaves his experiences, and those of others, into the complex tapestry of social issues and club loyalties and takes us through the wider political context: World War II, the invisible hand of Margaret Thatcher and Scotland's independence referendum. This vitriolic conflict is more than a game. It is a kaleidoscope of bitter dispute, and occasional violence, and Archie Macpherson provides a colourful insight into how it was to live with the Old Firm for over five decades.

Should've Gone Tae Specsavers, Ref!

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781908373731
Category : Scottish wit and humor
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
Enjoy a laugh at the antics and wicked humour of Scottish referee Big Erchie, a powerhouse at five foot five, and a top grade referee who strikes fear into the hearts of managers and players alike as he applies the laws of the game.

Kerryoans up the Clyde!

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 1804250732
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 138

Book Description
'If the Waverley sank right now and I wanted to swim to the nearest land, how far would that be?' 'About a hundred yards, sur.' 'Amazing. Which way?' 'Down!' True 'Glesca' humour and history combined, Kerryoans up the Clyde! recounts the adventures of a vessel full of character with a captain to match: Morrison's Waverley and 'Big Lizzie' are each as formidable and inalienably Scottish as the other. Morrison captures the charmingly unique spirit of the last of the Clyde's paddle steamers as well as the facts of its history. Full of playful tales, many a chuckle and the quirky illustrations of Bob Dewar, you're sure to find something that floats your boat!

The Herald Diary 2014

Author: Ken Smith
Publisher: Black & White Publishing
ISBN: 1845029445
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 233

Book Description
It's a memorable year in Scotland. The country will vote on independence, Glasgow will welcome the world to the Commonwealth Games, and the world's best golfers battle it out in the Ryder Cup on Scottish soil. Meanwhile, Scots do what they always do - eat and drink too much, complain about the weather and, fortunately, have a laugh about it. Their tales of the funniest events will be sent to The Herald newspaper's iconic Diary column, and the best of them are gathered here.

The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes

Author: Ruth Hogan
Publisher: Two Roads
ISBN: 1473669022
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 352

Book Description
An irresistible novel of unexpected friendships, second chances and dark secrets, from the bestselling author and Queen of Uplit Ruth Hogan. 'Warm and wise' Guardian | 'A book to really love' Stylist | 'Will soften even the hardest of hearts' Red | 'Subtle and poignant' Good Housekeeping | 'Plenty of spirit and heart' Daily Mail | 'An adorable heartfelt story' Prima | 'Filled with hope and the power of friendship' Evening Standard | 'A whimsical, wistful affair' Sunday Express | 'A wrenching story of recovery' Metro Once a spirited, independent woman with a rebellious streak, Masha's life has been forever changed by a tragic event twelve years ago. Unable to let go of her grief, she finds comfort in her faithful canine companion Haizum, and peace in the quiet lanes of her town's lido. Then a chance encounter with two extraordinary women - the fabulous and wise Kitty Muriel, a convent girl turned magician's wife turned seventy-something roller disco fanatic, and the mysterious Sally Red Shoes, a bag lady with a prodigious voice - opens up a new world of possibilities, and the chance to start living again. But just as Masha dares to imagine the future, her past comes roaring back ... Like her bestselling debut, The Keeper of Lost Things, The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes introduces a cast of wonderful characters, both ordinary and charmingly eccentric, who lead us through a moving exploration of the joy of friendship and the simple human connections that make life worth living. *And if you loved The Wisdom of Sally Red Shoes, check out Ruth Hogan's latest novel, Madame Burova . . . coming soon in 2021*

Dinna Fash Yersel, Scotland!

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 1804250759
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 132

Book Description
These are tough times. Prices spiralling! Climate change! International tension! Pandemics! It's not hard to find things to worry about. But Scottish grannies can be an oasis of calm. Their wit and wisdom, their compassion and knowhow, their measured good sense and withering reproaches are exactly what is required. Scottish grannies are reassuring. They are relevant. And they need to be heard.

Naw First Minister!

Author: Allan Morrison
Publisher: Luath Press Ltd
ISBN: 191032471X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 156

Book Description
With no party having a majority it was decided the position of First Minister should go to neutral, AGSTLO (Ah m Gonnae Sort This Lot Oot party) MSP, Big Nellie Nellis, a controversial imposing lady with the relics of beauty still on her face, unapologetically long legs which look as though they could stretch into different time zones, and bosoms requiring their own postal codes. Her over-bearing appearance and vibrancy, assisted by a continually refilled hip flask of single malt, make her formidable to all and sundry. Forget Mrs Thatcher, Mrs Merkel, Mrs Gillard, Mrs Meir and Ms Sturgeon. These women were absolute softies compared to Big Nellie. When Big Nellie Nellis bounds into Scottish politics after a fish supper and a cockup too far, her brash reason wins an electorate weary of the pointless jabbering of a divided Parliament. However, shaking up the status quo of Holyrood sets some slippery MSPs delving into Nellie s past to uncover the truth about Scotland s least likely political leader.

Essentially Bruce Greenwood: Actor Musician

Author: Mila Hasan
Publisher: Lulu.com
ISBN: 1326589091
Category : Performing Arts
Languages : en
Pages : 170

Book Description
An informal book written in an informal style glancing over Bruce Greenwood's career thus far, which contains an overview of some of his movies and TV shows, quotes from interviews and a comprehensive biography.