The Princess Beard

The Princess Beard PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797812
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 379

Book Description
This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell. Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise. This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas! In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

Kill the Farm Boy

Kill the Farm Boy PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797758
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 411

Book Description
In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the bestselling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes. “Ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett.”—Chuck Wendig “When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!”—Terry Brooks Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale. There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened. And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell. There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he’s bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there’s the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy’s untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there’s a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar “happily ever after” that ever once-upon-a-timed. Praise for Kill the Farm Boy “A rollicking fantasy adventure that upends numerous genre tropes in audacious style . . . a laugh-out-loud-funny fusion of Monty Python–esque humor and whimsy à la Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.”—Kirkus Reviews “Dawson and Hearne’s reimagining of a traditional fairy tale is reminiscent of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride and William Steig’s Shrek! Irreverent, funny, and full of entertaining wordplay, this will keep readers guessing until the end.”—Library Journal “Will have you laughing out loud until strangers begin to look at you oddly.”—SyFy “A smart comedy . . . nuanced, complicated, and human.”—Tordotcom “[Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearne] make fun of the typical ‘white male power fantasies,’ and in that, they succeed, with their heroes all characters of color and/or falling somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella.”—Publishers Weekly

No Country for Old Gnomes

No Country for Old Gnomes PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797782
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 435

Book Description
Go big or go gnome. The New York Times bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. “A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”—Locus War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell. On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty. On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else. It takes only one halfling bomb and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside down—or downside up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts—from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses—all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself. In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.

Moldylocks and the Three Beards

Moldylocks and the Three Beards PDF Author: Noah Z. Jones
Publisher:
ISBN: 9780545638401
Category : Beards
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
After falling through the refrigerator into the Land of Fake Believe, Princess meets a girl named Moldylocks who takes her to the home of the Three Beards for chili--but when the Beards capture her friend, Princess must come up with a plan to save her.

Princess for Hire

Princess for Hire PDF Author: Lindsey Leavitt
Publisher: Disney Electronic Content
ISBN: 1423146387
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 256

Book Description
When Desi Bascomb gets discovered by the elite Façade Agency--royalty surrogates extraordinaire--her life goes from glamour-starved to spectacular in a blink. As her new agent Meredith explains, Desi has a rare magical ability: when she applies the ancient formula Royal Rouge, she can temporarily transform into the exact lookalike of any princess who needs her subbing services.

Hatshepsut

Hatshepsut PDF Author: Ellen Galford
Publisher: National Geographic Books
ISBN: 9781426301339
Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
Languages : en
Pages : 68

Book Description
Biography of Hatshepsut's palace childhood and her adult life as Egypt's female pharaoh.

From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess

From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess PDF Author: Meg Cabot
Publisher: Feiwel & Friends
ISBN: 1250066034
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 192

Book Description
Return to the world of Meg Cabot's bestselling and beloved Princess Diaries series in From the Notebooks of a Middle School Princess—this time through the illustrated diary of a spunky new heroine: Princess Mia's long lost half-sister, Olivia! Olivia Grace Clarisse Mignonette Harrison is a completely average twelve-year-old: average height, average weight, average brown hair of average length, average brown skin and average hazel eyes. The only things about her that aren't average are her name (too long and princess themed), her ability to draw animals (useful for her future career as a wildlife illustrator), and the fact that she is a half-orphan who has never met her father and is forced to live with her aunt and uncle (who treat her almost like their own kids, so she doesn't want to complain). Then one completely average day, everything goes wrong: the most popular girl in school, Annabelle Jenkins, threatens to beat her up, the principal gives her a demerit, and she's knocked down at the bus stop . . . Until a limo containing Princess Mia Thermopolis of Genovia pulls up to invite her to New York to finally meet her father, who promptly invites her to come live with him, Mia, Grandmère and her two fabulous poodles . . . . Maybe Olivia Grace Clarisse Mignonette Harrison isn't so average after all!

The Princess Diaries, Volume V: Princess in Pink

The Princess Diaries, Volume V: Princess in Pink PDF Author: Meg Cabot
Publisher: Harper Collins
ISBN: 0060096101
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 276

Book Description
With the release of Disney's sequel to the Princess Diaries movie in August, the princess phenomenon will be in full swing in 2004. Girls will be overjoyed with this hilarious addition to their favorite series, which involves seven minutes in heaven, citywide strikes, and Mia's mission to get asked to the senior prom.

The Princess and the Fog

The Princess and the Fog PDF Author: Anthony Lloyd Jones
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
ISBN: 1784501514
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 47

Book Description
Bronze Medal Winner in the Picture Books, Early Reader category of the 2015 Foreword Reviews' INDIEFAB Book of the Year Awards Once upon a time there was a Princess. She had everything a little girl could ever want, and she was happy. That is, until the fog came... The Princess and the Fog is picture book to help sufferers of depression aged 5-7 cope with their difficult feelings. It uses vibrant illustrations, a sense of humour and metaphor to create a relatable, enjoyable story that describes the symptoms of childhood depression while also providing hope that things can get better with a little help and support. The story is also a great starting point for explaining depression to all children, especially those who may have a parent or close family member with depression. With an essential guide for parents and carers by clinical paediatric psychologists, Dr Melinda Edwards MBE and Linda Bayliss, this book will be of immeasurable value to anyone supporting a child with, or affected by, depression, including social workers, psychologists, psychiatrists, counsellors, arts therapists, pastoral care workers and school staff, as well as parents and carers.

Fresh Princess

Fresh Princess PDF Author: Denene Millner
Publisher: HarperCollins
ISBN: 0062906119
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 36

Book Description
Based on The Fresh Prince created by Will Smith, Destiny is the Fresh Princess. Meet Destiny—a cool, energetic, and strong-willed young girl who approaches every day with her own signature style! That is, until she moves to a brand-new neighborhood, where nothing looks quite the same as it did at her old house. Even with new challenges and new friends to make, Destiny always has a plan. With a few reminders from her loving family and after remembering what being the Fresh Princess is all about, she may just take the leap and jump right in! Written by celebrated author, blogger, and editor Denene Millner and illustrated by Gladys Jose, Fresh Princess is the perfect book to encourage kids to proudly stand out and be themselves!
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