Mock the Week

Author: Dan Patterson
Publisher: Boxtree
ISBN: 1743032196
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 229

Book Description
Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'

Mock the Week

Author: Dara O Briain
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781860513664
Category :
Languages : en
Pages :

Book Description

Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See

Author: Dan Patterson
Publisher: Boxtree
ISBN: 174353471X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 254

Book Description
Modern life is a minefield. Fortunately, the creators of Mock the Week are here to give you advice on the important things in life: from office etiquette to camping holidays, the worst things to hear while sitting on the toilet - and what not to say when passing through Customs . . . Categories include: Unlikely Things to Hear at a Funeral: 'Could whoever that is stop knocking, I'm trying to do the Eulogy!' Unlikely Things to Say on Your First Day in Prison: 'How thoughtful! Someone's left a bucket of chocolate mousse in the corner of my cell.' Guide to Keeping Tropical Fish: For a special treat, pour a smoothie slowly into the fish tank. They love that. Mountaineering Tips: Try to make sure you are accompanied by an experienced mountaineer or, failing that, someone really fat who will make for a soft landing. Medical Self-Diagnosis: If it comes out faster than gravity would normally allow, then there's something wrong.

James Acaster's Classic Scrapes - The Hilarious Sunday Times Bestseller

Author: James Acaster
Publisher: Headline
ISBN: 1472247205
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 288

Book Description
**THE SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER** 'I don't think I've ever read a book that has made me cry with laughter as much as this one. It was very difficult reading it in public as I looked like a madman' - Richard Herring James Acaster has been nominated for the Edinburgh Comedy Award five times and has appeared on prime-time TV shows like TASKMASTER,MOCK THE WEEK, LIVE AT THE APOLLO and WOULD I LIE TO YOU? But behind the fame and critical acclaim is a man perpetually getting into trouble. Whether it's disappointing a skydiving instructor mid-flight, hiding from thugs in a bush wearing a bright red dress, or annoying the Kettering Board Games club, a didgeridoo-playing conspiracy theorist and some bemused Christians, James is always finding new ways to embarrass himself. Appearing on Josh Widdicombe's radio show to recount these stories, the feature was christened 'James Acaster's classic scrapes'. Here, in his first book, James recounts these tales (including never-before-heard stories) along with self-penned drawings, in all their glorious stupidity.

Mock the Week

Author: Dan Patterson
Publisher: Boxtree
ISBN: 9781447260806
Category : English wit and humor
Languages : en
Pages : 240

Book Description
Scenes We'd Like to See is the very first Mock the Week book, published to coincide with the sixth series of the hit BBC2 comedy show. From gloriously rude 'Unfortunate names for race horses' to 'Unlikely personal ads' and lines that (sadly) never appeared in the Harry Potter books, Mock the Week: Scenes We'd Like to See is the fastest, funniest read of the year: a bumper book of all-new razor-sharp one-liners, including: UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: No rabbits were harmed during the testing of this product - but the rats were less lucky. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Happy New Breasts! UNLIKELY HOROSCOPES: You will go to your bedroom window and stand there naked for a minute, you will do this especially if your name is Mrs Hughes and you live at 56, The Avenue, Clapham...around 3.30 would be best for me. UNLIKELY LINES FROM A NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK: 'I've turned my cock into a frog!' squealed Ron in terror.

The Now Show Book

Author: Steve Punt
Publisher: Orion
ISBN: 1409138267
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 189

Book Description
The must-have look at the world from the team behind Radio 4's THE NOW SHOW. THE NOW SHOW BOOK boldly tackles all the superlatives that other books avoid. It does this by means of making stuff up and scrupulously avoiding too much research, insight, or fact. Unless the fact is funnier. And legal to mention. Split into illuminating subject sections, categories include: Biggest Scare Story Worst Political Gaffe Most Hated Corporate Jargon Most Annoying Recorded Announcement Most Stressful Special Occasion Most Baffling Commercial Most Inaccurate Weather Forecast - and many more! With Marcus Brigstocke and Mitch Benn adding their own fine touches, this book is a fascinating, engrossing - and brilliantly entertaining - look at the modern world ...

Surpassing Certainty

Author: Janet Mock
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1501145797
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 256

Book Description
The writer, TV host, and advocate examines her life and career, including the challenges of being trans, a woman, and a person of color.

Every Night of the Week

Author: Lucy Tweed
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
ISBN: 1761062395
Category : Cooking
Languages : en
Pages : 502

Book Description
Lucy has a special gift. Everything she touches turns to magical, sparkling loveliness.' Donna Hay Some days you want to cook; other days the goal is simply 'food in mouths'. Welcome to Every Night of the Week, a cookbook for people who don't like hard-and-fast recipes, by food and recipe writer, stylist and Instagram genie Lucy Tweed. MONDAY has potential. There are lists and ideas. The herbs are fresh and the fridge is full. TUESDAY the week has begun. Can we have efficient and beautifully delicious please? WEDNESDAY we wonder what day it is. Cook with a dash of laziness; it tastes great. THURS ... we're not even typing the full day anymore. What's in the freezer? What can we pimp? FRIDAY is family fun. 'Decorate' your own pizza, kids, or DIY san choy bau. Time to exhale. SATURDAY is the flex day, time to stretch the repertoire. Hmm, who's around for lunch? SUNDAY is for brunch and linner; two leisurely meals, eaten in absolute comfort. THAT EXTRA DAY YOU WISHED FOR is the secret day that will save your bacon Tues-Thurs. 'My signature dish is Lucy's recipe that she taught me in less than an hour. But don't tell anyone; I get a lot of compliments.' Wil Anderson

Farm (and Other F Words)

Author: Sarah K Mock
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781636768205
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 268

Book Description
We love The American Farmer. We trust them to grow our food, to be part of children's nursery rhymes, to provide the economic backbone of rural communities, and to embody a version of the American dream. At the same time, we know that "corporate farms" are disrupting the agrarian way of life that we so admire, and that we've got to do something to stop it. So what's our plan for saving the farms we love? In Farm (and Other F Words), Sarah K Mock dismantles misconceptions about American farms and discovers what makes small family farms work, or why they don't. While exploring the intersection of farming and wealth, Mock offers an alternative perspective on American agricultural history, and outlines a path to a more equitable food system moving forward. Calling for change, Farm (and Other F Words) tackles questions like: Do farmers really get paid not to farm? Are "big corporate farms" the future? How much good has the food movement done for small family farmers? Ultimately, Mock suggests a solution without putting the onus for change on struggling consumers and reminds us that, "the future of American agriculture is not yet decided."

Pundamentalist

Author: Gary Delaney
Publisher: Headline
ISBN: 1472277449
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 118

Book Description
'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .