The Princess Beard

The Princess Beard PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797812
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 400

Book Description
This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell. Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise. This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong. But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas! In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

Kill the Farm Boy

Kill the Farm Boy PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797758
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 411

Book Description
In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the bestselling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes. “Ranks among the best of Christopher Moore and Terry Pratchett.”—Chuck Wendig “When you put two authors of this high caliber together, expect fireworks. Or at least laughs. What a hoot!”—Terry Brooks Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told. This is not that fairy tale. There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened. And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell. There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he’s bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there’s the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy’s untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there’s a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar “happily ever after” that ever once-upon-a-timed. Praise for Kill the Farm Boy “A rollicking fantasy adventure that upends numerous genre tropes in audacious style . . . a laugh-out-loud-funny fusion of Monty Python–esque humor and whimsy à la Terry Pratchett’s Discworld.”—Kirkus Reviews “Dawson and Hearne’s reimagining of a traditional fairy tale is reminiscent of William Goldman’s The Princess Bride and William Steig’s Shrek! Irreverent, funny, and full of entertaining wordplay, this will keep readers guessing until the end.”—Library Journal “Will have you laughing out loud until strangers begin to look at you oddly.”—SyFy “A smart comedy . . . nuanced, complicated, and human.”—Tordotcom “[Delilah Dawson and Kevin Hearne] make fun of the typical ‘white male power fantasies,’ and in that, they succeed, with their heroes all characters of color and/or falling somewhere under the LGBTQ umbrella.”—Publishers Weekly

No Country for Old Gnomes

No Country for Old Gnomes PDF Author: Kevin Hearne
Publisher: Del Rey
ISBN: 1524797782
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 416

Book Description
Go big or go gnome. The New York Times bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy welcome you to the world of Pell, the irreverent fantasy universe that recalls Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. “A complete delight, as fluffy and fun as The Lego Movie and as heartfelt as Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.”—Locus War is coming, and it’s gonna be Pell. On one side stand the gnomes: smol, cheerful, possessing tidy cardigans and no taste for cruelty. On the other side sit the halflings, proudly astride their war alpacas, carrying bags of grenades and hungry for a fight. And pretty much anything else. It takes only one halfling bomb and Offi Numminen’s world is turned upside down—or downside up, really, since he lives in a hole in the ground. His goth cardigans and aggressive melancholy set him apart from the other gnomes, as does his decision to fight back against their halfling oppressors. Suddenly Offi is the leader of a band of lovable misfits and outcasts—from a gryphon who would literally kill for omelets to a young dwarf herbalist who is better with bees than with his cudgel to an assertive and cheerful teen witch with a beard as long as her book of curses—all on a journey to the Toot Towers to confront the dastardly villain intent on tearing Pell asunder. These adventurers never fit in anywhere else, but as they become friends, fight mermaids, and get really angry at this one raccoon, they learn that there’s nothing more heroic than being yourself. In No Country for Old Gnomes, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly tweak the tropes of fantasy and fairy tales. Here you’ll find goofy jokes and whimsical puns, but you’ll also find a diverse, feminist, and lighthearted approach to fantasy that will bring a smile to your face and many fine cheeses to your plate.

Princess

Princess PDF Author: Gaelen Foley
Publisher: Ballantine Books
ISBN: 0307416429
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 418

Book Description
Dear Reader, I'm so proud to introduce Gaelen Foley, a captivating new writer who will sweep you away with this unforgettable story of forbidden love and wondrous destiny. Darius Santiago is the King's most trusted man, a master spy and assassin. He is handsome, charming, ruthless, and he has one weakness--the stunning Princess Serafina. She is all he has ever wanted and everything he cannot have. Serafina has worshipped Darius from afar her whole life, knowing that deep in the reaches of her soul, where she is not royalty but a flesh and blood woman, she belongs to this dangerous, untouchable man. Unable to suppress their desire any longer, they are swept into a daring dance of passion destined to consume them both until a deadly enemy threatens to destroy their new love. PRINCESS is historical romance at its best--full of adventure, intrigue, and pageantry--from an amazingly talented new author whose storytelling career is just beginning. . . . Enjoy! Shauna Summers Senior Editor The Ballantine Publishing Group

Moldylocks and the Three Beards

Moldylocks and the Three Beards PDF Author: Noah Z. Jones
Publisher:
ISBN: 9780545638401
Category : Beards
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
After falling through the refrigerator into the Land of Fake Believe, Princess meets a girl named Moldylocks who takes her to the home of the Three Beards for chili--but when the Beards capture her friend, Princess must come up with a plan to save her.

The Princess and Her Panther

The Princess and Her Panther PDF Author: Wendy Orr
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1416997806
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 40

Book Description
Two sisters, playing dress-up as a princess and her panther, embark on an extraordinary adventure in a book that brings to life the world of imagination. Full color.

The Poisoned Princess

The Poisoned Princess PDF Author: Armen Pogharian
Publisher: SynergEbooks
ISBN: 9780744321296
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 198

Book Description
Raised by his Uncle Eldan, half-elven Toran struggles to control his human heritage and fit into elven society. When he releases his control to save a friend, elven purists banish him. Combining his barbarian skills with his elven senses, Toran thwarts an assassination attempt on visiting Princess Erelle. His heroics earn him an invitation to join the Warders, a secret organization led by long-time colleagues of his uncle. After a second assassin poisons the princess, the Warders mobilize to find the antidote and capture the conspirators. Together with Draham, a veteran dwarf agent, and Adara, Erelle0́9s lady in waiting, Toran embarks on a mission to retrieve the antidote0́9s key ingredient. At nearly every turn they0́9re opposed by an organization led by the sorceress Skade.

Priscilla the Princess of the Park

Priscilla the Princess of the Park PDF Author: Pat LaMarche
Publisher: Priscilla
ISBN: 9781737881582
Category : Young Adult Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 0

Book Description
An endearing novel about five young children, a charismatic compassionate woman, and the perils of homelessness. As the children fall madly in love with Priscilla, they begin to wonder about the story of their mentor. The children's homes are filled with everyday drama and excitement. Priscilla teaches life lessons that help them cope and find joy - as well as a sense of community.

The Princess and the Wizard

The Princess and the Wizard PDF Author: Julia Donaldson
Publisher: Macmillan Children's Books
ISBN: 9781509894154
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 30

Book Description
Princess Eliza must find a way to outwit the wicked wizard and escape from him in time for her birthday tea in this magical rhyming story. Now in a classic board book format with a fresh cover design. The princess may try seven times to escape,By changing her colour and changing her shape. But each time Princess Eliza changes - into a blue fish, a yellow chick, a red fox, or a black cat - the wicked wizard finds her and sets her another horrible task. Will this plucky princess be able to outwit him and escape back to the palace in time to cut her birthday cake? The Princess and the Wizard is a magical adventure from the stellar picture book partnership of Julia Donaldson and Lydia Monks, creators of What the Ladybird Heard. With brilliant rhyming verse, bright and distinctive illustrations and a gorgeously glittery cover, this story is perfect for reading together.
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