Mock the Week

Author: Dan Patterson
Publisher: Boxtree
ISBN: 1743032196
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 229

Book Description
Mock The Week: 1001 Scenes We'd Like To See is the funniest, rudest book of the summer, packed with enough one-liners to fill a whole new series. If you've ever wondered what would be a bad thing to say at a state banquet, or need advice on slogans you shouldn't have tattooed on your arse, then this book will prove invaluable. Collecting together the best one-liners from two bestselling Mock the Week books, categories include: UNSUCCESSFUL PERSONAL ADS: Companion required for long sessions of Sudoku. No timewasters. GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL: Sorry About Your Face. UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS: May cause diarrhoea, dysentery, flatulence, piles and other hilarious bottom-related ailments. UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES: Apricot knee Simon - well a nun might if the Zeppelin has grown its own Byzantium (16,8) LINES YOU'D NEVER SEE IN A JAMES BOND BOOK: '"James, he's using the diamonds to divert a giant laser onto New York from outer space." Bond took the bottle out of M's shaking hand and helped her off the floor into bed.'

Mock the Week

Author: Dara O Briain
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781860513664
Category :
Languages : en
Pages :

Book Description

Mock the Week: Brand Spanking New Scenes We'd Like to See

Author: Dan Patterson
Publisher: Boxtree
ISBN: 174353471X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 223

Book Description
Modern life is a minefield. Fortunately, the creators of Mock the Week are here to give you advice on the important things in life: from office etiquette to camping holidays, the worst things to hear while sitting on the toilet - and what not to say when passing through Customs . . . Categories include: Unlikely Things to Hear at a Funeral: 'Could whoever that is stop knocking, I'm trying to do the Eulogy!' Unlikely Things to Say on Your First Day in Prison: 'How thoughtful! Someone's left a bucket of chocolate mousse in the corner of my cell.' Guide to Keeping Tropical Fish: For a special treat, pour a smoothie slowly into the fish tank. They love that. Mountaineering Tips: Try to make sure you are accompanied by an experienced mountaineer or, failing that, someone really fat who will make for a soft landing. Medical Self-Diagnosis: If it comes out faster than gravity would normally allow, then there's something wrong.

The Now Show Book

Author: Steve Punt
Publisher: Orion
ISBN: 1409138267
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 189

Book Description
The must-have look at the world from the team behind Radio 4's THE NOW SHOW. THE NOW SHOW BOOK boldly tackles all the superlatives that other books avoid. It does this by means of making stuff up and scrupulously avoiding too much research, insight, or fact. Unless the fact is funnier. And legal to mention. Split into illuminating subject sections, categories include: Biggest Scare Story Worst Political Gaffe Most Hated Corporate Jargon Most Annoying Recorded Announcement Most Stressful Special Occasion Most Baffling Commercial Most Inaccurate Weather Forecast - and many more! With Marcus Brigstocke and Mitch Benn adding their own fine touches, this book is a fascinating, engrossing - and brilliantly entertaining - look at the modern world ...

My Shit Life So Far

Author: Frankie Boyle
Publisher: HarperCollins UK
ISBN: 0007324626
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 28

Book Description
Ever since being brought up by The Beatles, Frankie Boyle has been a tremendous liar. Join him on his adventures with his chum Clangy The Brass Boy and laugh as he doesn’t accidentally kill a student nurse when a party gets out of hand.

Pundamentalist

Author: Gary Delaney
Publisher: Headline
ISBN: 1472277449
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 118

Book Description
'For a collection of good old-fashioned gags, it's one of the best out there, a rich buffet of inventive wordplay that's best savoured a little at a time to fully appreciate the joy of these perfectly-constructed morsels. For original, hilarious gags you'll want to share, this is the real deal.' - Chortle 'A rollicking joyride. . . Pundamentalist has puns for the whole family: rude ones, daft ones, deft ones, stinkers and absolute belters.' - British Comedy Guide Gary Delaney, one-liner extraordinaire, has appeared on shows like Mock the Week and written for the likes of Jimmy Carr, Jason Manford, and James Corden. Now, for the first time, comes the first collection of his finest jokes. Featuring the likes of: Garden centres can't reopen fast enough for me, I've been living on borrowed thyme. We can't even afford a garden, so when my girlfriend bought us a trampoline I hit the roof. Sure everyone cares about straws killing dolphins now, but they've been breaking camels' backs for years. Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration, which explains why Prince Andrew is so stupid. Sad news: The British simile champion has died. We shall not see his like again. My mom doesn't trust my dad's secretary. I asked her why, and she just said 'I've seen her type before'. Today someone told me that I look good with a salt 'n' pepper beard, so I took that as a condiment. My French pen friend just said 'Le Monde', which means the world to me. Can anyone tell me what FOMO stands for? Everyone else seems to know. Actors have got Equity, Magicians have got the Magic Circle, but it's a shame ventriloquists don't have anyone to speak for them. Does anyone know if it's safe to dye your pubes? It's a bit of a grey area. And make sure you look out for Gary's next book, about Stockholm Syndrome: it starts off badly but by the end you'll really enjoy it . . .

The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond

Author: Brenda Woods
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0147514304
Category : Juvenile Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 242

Book Description
Coretta Scott King Honor winner Brenda Woods’ moving, uplifting story of a girl finally meeting the African American side of her family explores racism and how it feels to be biracial, and celebrates families of all kinds. Violet is biracial, but she lives with her white mother and sister, attends a mostly white school in a white town, and sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. Now that she’s eleven, she feels it’s time to learn about her African American heritage, so she seeks out her paternal grandmother. When Violet is invited to spend two weeks with her new Bibi (Swahili for "grandmother") and learns about her lost heritage, her confidence in herself grows and she discovers she’s not a shrinking Violet after all. From a Coretta Scott King Honor-winning author, this is a powerful story about a young girl finding her place in the world.

Secret Science: The Amazing World Beyond Your Eyes

Author: Dara O Briain
Publisher: Scholastic UK
ISBN: 1407191322
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 311

Book Description
A brand-new book from the UK and Ireland's best-loved comedian, Dara O Briain! So you think everyday life is boring?! WHAT?! Hoo-ee, are you wrong! No, seriously. There's so much EXTRAORDINARY science going on right from the minute you wake up to when you go to sleep. Actually, while you're asleep, too. Science is a non-stop EVERYWHERE, everything adventure with some incredibly cool stuff going on, too. You've got your incredible brain, which has worked out how to read these words and make playing a video game feel as EXCITING as real life; you've got aeroplanes that can somehow get from the ground into the sky with all those people AND their luggage on board; you've got electricity and artificial intelligence and GPS and buses coming in threes (that's science too) and LOADS more. In Secret Science, Dara O Briain takes you on a journey from the comfort of your favourite chair to the incredible science behind your everyday life and on into the future!

To Mock a Mockingbird

Author: Raymond M. Smullyan
Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA
ISBN: 0192801422
Category : Games & Activities
Languages : en
Pages : 258

Book Description
The author of Forever Undecided, Raymond Smullyan continues to delight and astonish us with his gift for making available, in the thoroughly pleasurable form of puzzles, some of the most important mathematical thinking of our time.

Farm (and Other F Words)

Author: Sarah K Mock
Publisher:
ISBN: 9781636768205
Category :
Languages : en
Pages : 268

Book Description
We love The American Farmer. We trust them to grow our food, to be part of children's nursery rhymes, to provide the economic backbone of rural communities, and to embody a version of the American dream. At the same time, we know that "corporate farms" are disrupting the agrarian way of life that we so admire, and that we've got to do something to stop it. So what's our plan for saving the farms we love? In Farm (and Other F Words), Sarah K Mock dismantles misconceptions about American farms and discovers what makes small family farms work, or why they don't. While exploring the intersection of farming and wealth, Mock offers an alternative perspective on American agricultural history, and outlines a path to a more equitable food system moving forward. Calling for change, Farm (and Other F Words) tackles questions like: Do farmers really get paid not to farm? Are "big corporate farms" the future? How much good has the food movement done for small family farmers? Ultimately, Mock suggests a solution without putting the onus for change on struggling consumers and reminds us that, "the future of American agriculture is not yet decided."