The Mammoth Book of Insults

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 178033267X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 739

Book Description
Never be stuck for a wicked line again! - the ultimate collection of insults Here is the biggest and best ever collection of insults and sharp retorts for when you just wish you could have thought of something faster. Editor Geoff Tibballs presents more than 5,000 come-backs, put-downs, snaps, insults, unadmiring quips and quotes, for every occasion. From the most elegant of studied insults to the wickedest of putdowns, from the language of the street to the literary, political, and entertainment worlds, from playground insults to sports, family and marriage jibes - here is every possible barb you could ever need, guaranteed to crack up all those around you. As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Your mother's so fat, she has her own area code. Are your parents siblings? Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice. Is there no beginning to your talents? You'd be out of your depth in a puddle. Don't you need a licence to be that ugly? I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my arse. I'd love to go out with you but I have to worm my dog.

The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes

Author: E. Henry Thripshaw
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1849016658
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 456

Book Description
The ultimate collection of tasteless and sick jokes that just shouldn't be told. More than 3,000 off-colour jokes, covering every taboo from sex and death to race and disability, this book leaves no stone unturned in its search for the most dubious jokes known to humanity. Why exactly do we like to laugh at jokes that are cruel, heartless and downright wrong? And more to the point, who cares so long as they make us laugh? Twice as funny, twice as outrageous, twice as shocking. From Anne Frank's drum kit to the correct use of wheelchairs, this is a fantastic new collection of bad taste and political incorrectness. If you even think about reading it you're a monster; if you buy it you're going straight to hell. Includes gems such as these: My father is in a coma. He's just living the dream. Why don't cannibals eat divorced women? Because they're very bitter. What do you do if a pit bull mounts your leg? Fake an orgasm. How do you stop a politician from drowning? Shoot him before he hits the water. The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It's mostly drum and bass. I went to see my friend's new baby. They asked me if I wanted to wind him. I thought that was a bit harsh so I just gave him a dead leg instead. Remember, a doggy is not just for Christmas. It's a great position all year round.

The Mammoth Book of Comic Quotes

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1780337221
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 568

Book Description
With over 10,000 entries, arranged by topic and fully indexed, here is a giant new collection of witticisms and wisecracks for the 21st century. If you're looking for a bon mot for an after-dinner talk, struggling to put the finishing touches to a wedding speech or just want to cheer yourself and your mates up, this fabulous fat book provides all you'll ever need. Entries range from insults, put-downs, gags and one-liners to homespun philosophy, witty proverbs, movie quotes and graffiti. Among the contributors featured are Woody Allen, Dave Barry, P. J. O'Rourke, Winston Churchill, Will Rogers, Jay Leno, P. G. Wodehouse, Bill Cosby, W. C. Fields, Oscar Wilde, Spike Milligan, Groucho Marx, George Bernard Shaw and many more. Never be stuck for a good line again! 'Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.' P. J. O'Rourke 'I'm sure sex wouldn't be as rewarding as winning the World Cup. It's not that sex isn't good, but the World Cup is every four years and sex is not.' Ronaldo

The Mammoth Book of Humor

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Running Press
ISBN: 9780786707836
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 512

Book Description
More than 10,000 stories and jokes, limericks and one-liners, put-downs and puns in the ultimate, most comprehensive compendium of humor ever compiled. From boners and groaners to classic shaggy-dog stories and jokes for roasts and toasts, virtually every form of verbal humor on a whole raft of topics is represented in this not totally politically correct but always devilishly diverting collection of ticklers and howlers for any occasion. Humorous quotations, epigrams and epitaphs, newspaper misprints, misleading headlines ("MAGISTRATES MAY ACT ON INDECENT SHOWS"), limericks, puns, and the darnedest things said by kids ("a fjord is a Scandinavian car") also appear among the volume's ten thousand entries, which are arranged by category and fully indexed by subject. This format makes the book an easily accessible as well as invaluable companion to speech-makers for events great and small. So it is that The Mammoth Book of Humor meets the needs of both the maiden aunt looking for a wholesome joke to relate at a golden wedding anniversary and the best man who needs a blue one for the bachelor party. The volume even offers would-be wolves on the prowl pick-up lines-at the same time that it provides some snappy comebacks and a few ribald ripostes for the reluctant or disinterested prey. Waggish, witty, wisecracking, or whimsical, the humor is as various as it is vigorous on every page of this endlessly entertaining collection.

Yo' Mama Is So...

Author: Hugh Payne
Publisher: Black Dog & Leventhal
ISBN: 160376237X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 257

Book Description
It's everyone's favorite form of insult comedy (as seen on MTV!) -- hundreds of crushingly funny one-liners about "yo' mama" -- and all yo' other relatives -- sure to shut people's mouths or make them howl with laughter. Yo' mama is so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up. Yo' mama is so old that when she was young, rainbows were black and white. Yo' mama is so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks. Yo' mama is so dumb that when she saw a sign that said, "Airport Left," she turned around and went home. Yo' mama's so short you can see her feet on her driver's license. So dumb, so fat, so ugly, and so old have never been SO FUNNY, thanks to this exhaustive and inventive assortment of laugh-out-loud one-line jokes sure to cause a sensation. Hundreds of quotable and easy-to-remember quips have been gathered here by a comedy master, and the result is a relentless collection of wholesome, all-in-good-fun nastiness for every occasion. Divided into handy categories (in case you happen to need a boatload of fat jokes, skinny jokes, or whatever) Yo' Mama Is So . . . is an essential addition to the humor shelf of any self-respecting smart aleck. Hey . . . what did you call my mama??!!

The Ultimate Book of Insults

Author: Geoff Tibballs
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1780333358
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 231

Book Description
A brilliant collection of insults and sharp retorts for every situation. Includes studied insults, wry putdowns, literary, political, and dramatic rebukes, playground insults, barbs and jibes. The perfect resource for responding to life's slings and arrows with humour and satisfying venom.

Mammoth

Author: Chris Flynn
Publisher: Univ. of Queensland Press
ISBN: 0702263931
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 245

Book Description
The original, unforgettable and thought-provoking new novel by award-winning author Chris Flynn that will change how readers understand the world. Narrated by a 13,000-year-old extinct mammoth, this is the (mostly) true story of how a collection of prehistoric creatures came to be on sale at a natural history auction in New York in 2007. By tracing how and when these fossils were unearthed, Mammoth leads us on a funny and fascinating journey from the Pleistocene epoch to nineteenth-century America and beyond, revealing how ideas about science and religion have shaped our world. With our planet on the brink of calamitous climate change, Mammoth scrutinises humanity's role in the destruction of the natural world while also offering a message of hope.

Lies We Tell Ourselves

Author: Robin Talley
Publisher: Harlequin
ISBN: 0373212046
Category : Juvenile Nonfiction
Languages : en
Pages : 410

Book Description
Includes questions for discussions and an excerpt from another novel.

The Mammoth Book of Kaiju

Author: Sean Wallace
Publisher: Robinson
ISBN: 1472135652
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 630

Book Description
Giant monsters whose every roar and footstep shakes the earth, whose simple stroll through a city wreaks havoc: KAIJU! And even though humankind has never really seen such monsters - we tremble at the thought of them and love to shiver as their screen versions make mayhem: the beast from twenty-thousand fathoms, Godzilla demolishing Tokyo, the massive creature in Cloverfield destroying New York, all of Earth warring with the colossal monsters in Pacific Rim. Now, for the first time, a definitive anthology that gathers a wide range of larger-than-life short fiction with creatures that run a gargantuan gamut: the stealthy gabbleduck of Neal Asher's Polity universe; Gary McMahon's huge sea-born terror; An Owomoyela 's incredibly tall alien invaders; Frank Wu's city-razing, eighty-foot-high, fire-breathing lizard; Lavie Tidhar's titanic ship-devouring monstrosity; a really big Midwest US smackdown related by Jeremiah Tolbert . . . and many more mega-monster stories to feed your need for killer kaiju! With an introduction by Robert Hood, co-editor of the groundbreaking, Ditmar Award-winning Daikaiju: Giant Monster Tales and host of Undead Backbrain, the premier website for matters relating to giant monsters.

The Mammoth Book of Slasher Movies

Author: Peter Normanton
Publisher: Hachette UK
ISBN: 1780330413
Category : Performing Arts
Languages : en
Pages : 452

Book Description
An engrossing A-Z of over 60 gory years of slasher and splatter movies, from Danny Boyle's 28 Days Later to Lucio Fulci's Zombie Flesh Eaters. Here you will find the low-down on over 250 movies with entries from 23 different countries. The index, which includes every movie mentioned in the A-Z and accompanying notes, runs to 540 movies. The book includes the list of video nasties which the UK government attempted to ban.