How to Answer "Do These Pants Make My Ass Look Fat?"

Author: Athol Kay
Publisher: Createspace Independent Pub
ISBN: 9781468158533
Category : Family & Relationships
Languages : en
Pages : 284

Book Description
A collection of brilliant and hilariously true essays that everyone interested in love, sex and marriage needs to read. A fearless intellect coupled with a compassionate spirit, Athol ruthlessly tosses out the politically correct bath water but keeps the babies safe. At times controversial, at times wickedly funny, but always a powerful voice for love, marriage and hope. Important stuff this book tells you that you simply have to know: The two types of men that women ping pong between. Page 9. How to answer "Do these pants make my ass look fat?" and get laid like tile. Page 11. Why the wedding vows aren't the actual marriage agreement. Page 16. Seventeen ways women reveal they are attracted to you. Page 25. How to tell if a SAHM is going to be great, or spend half the day on Facebook. Page 27. How to beat approach anxiety. Page 31. What to do when your wife won't have sex with you. Page 35. How to lead your wife so that she wants to follow you. Page 40. Why monogamy works best for most men. Page 50. How the wrong college degree can ruin your sex life. Page 59. How to spot when your wife is testing you. Page 69. What it means when your wife says she's bored. Page 71. What she's really saying when she says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." Page 76. Why you should never ask for marriage advice from your close friends. Page 79. How submission really works for women. Page 85. When you should rescue her and when you should let natural consequences just play out. Page 91. Why everyone gets the male mid-life crisis wrong and what is really happening. Page 92. What makes up the female mid-life crisis. Page 94. How to hit her sexual "Big Red Easy Button." Page 106. What happens when you have sex at 87.3% of maximum roughness and why it drives her wild. Page 108. What you should never do if she asks you to move out. Page 110. The "Second Date Rule." Page 116. Why her gaining fifteen pounds means she's into you. Page 117. Why it's not your job to cure their sexual dysfunction. Page 123. What the female arm slap means. Page 125. Learn what acts like Kryptonite to women. Page 131. Why being an asshole secretly pleases women. Page 137. Why being a White Knight is a bad idea, and being a Horny Knight is a great one. Page 150. Why catering to women makes them like you less. Page 152. How to get her to try something kinky. Page 154. Why SAHM's need to be SAHM's "Plus Something." Page 160. How helping a friend out can accidentally make your wife attracted to him. Page 169. What to say after she cooks dinner that will make her melt. Page 172. How to tell the difference between your marriage sucking, and your life sucking. Page 176. How a hot bedroom fantasy can turn into your wife cheating on you and refusing to stop. Page 178. How polyamory and swinging really works. Page 180. Why being playfully mean to girls turns them on. Page 182. How female logic works when it comes to men. Page 196. What to do if she offers you sex, but says she doesn't want an orgasm. Page 197. The best revenge possible to take against a cheating girlfriend. Page 201. How to handle a drama queen. Page 204. Why women should have long hair and ignore their friends telling them to go short. Page 208. The #1 thing men crave women to do in the bedroom (It's not a blowjob!) Page 213. What to do when your friend starts trying to steal your girl. Page 217. Learn just how many women fantasize about being used for sex. Page 224. Assuming she's into it, why you should only spank your wife when she's being good. Page 228. How to fall out of love as quickly as possible. Page 234. Why a wife going on a Girl's Night Out drives her husband batshit crazy. Page 240. The only way to build self-esteem that works. Page 244. Why the main complaint about monogamy is that it works. Page 254. How to know if she is worth marrying. Page 264. What people really mean when they tell you to "Just be yourself." Page 267.

So, Is Retirement Supposed To Suck?

Author: George M. Dean
Publisher: Gatekeeper Press
ISBN: 1662941145
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 219

Book Description
“So, Is Retirement Supposed To Suck?” is a must-read for anyone who plans on retiring someday. It speaks of author George M. Dean’s pitfalls, and how others can learn from his mistakes. This book is divided into two sections: In the first part, George recalls some of the more damaging memories from his childhood such as—his father using him as a human connection to the rabbit-ears on top of the TV. Or perhaps the time he was busted in school, by one of the nuns, for perusing through a Playboy magazine—instead of studying. You can only imagine… The second part, explains why retirement is not what it’s cracked up to be. According to George, it’s the people. No, not normal people like you and me—but those that work for major corporations, and seem to get off on responding in the most negative patterns. You’ll hear a lot of “Sorry, that’s not our policy”, or “Sir, I’m afraid that would be against protocol, so…no!” Anyone nearing retirement is sure to enjoy this humorous and honest account of our authors’ experiences.

A Compilation of Lies Men Tell When Seeking Entry into a Woman’s Panties

Author: Debra Clark
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
ISBN: 1456800604
Category : Social Science
Languages : en
Pages : 430

Book Description
The book facts were gathered through listening, reading, texting, voice mail, visiting social net working chat rooms, beauty and barber shop talk, male family members, co-workers direct or indirect conversations. Some men will say anything when attempting to seek entry into a woman’s panties. It may be something you’re longing to hear after a breakup, during a vulnerable period in your life. Or you may be simply naive. Catching a not-so-serious unfaithful man in the act is a dirty job, but some woman has to do it. So let’s read up! Comprehend it and avoid it. When a man’s player card has been pulled, you will know the lie and deal with it swiftly.

Does This Boyfriend Make My Butt Look Big?

Author: Jenna McCarthy
Publisher: Shebooks
ISBN: 1940838177
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 48

Book Description
Abby Douglas grew up with a distant dad and a desperate hot mess of a mom. Now she’s got a thing for bad boys, a weakness for fad diets, and ironically, a job as an advice columnist. When she accidentally cheats on her supposed boyfriend with a mysterious older man, Abby’s already confusing world gets turned upside down. As she struggles to find her footing, Abby discovers that sometimes a lost cat, a furious friend, and a bag of Doritos can change everything.

CI: Team Red

Author: David DeBatto
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
ISBN: 0446510629
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 267

Book Description
In a story so explosive that he can only tell it as fiction, former counterintelligence special agent David DeBatto takes us onto a new kind of battlefield, beyond the reach of reporters, and into the covert ops of elite tactical intelligence teams. Their number one job: to pierce the secrets of an enemy -- before the enemy reaches us . . . Staff Sgt. David DeLuca had a love/hate relationship with the Armed Forces. Then came 9/11. After a career as a street cop, he went to war-and put his skills to work in a secret army within an army. Part detective, con man, spy, and soldier, DeLuca is now hunting a Saddam loyalist Centcom thought was dead. To catch his prey, he'll have to outmaneuver him using microscopic forensic evidence, high-tech espionage tools, and gut instincts. But as he follows a deadly trail out of the Sunni Triangle into Iran, a horrifying picture is coming clear to DeLuca and his elite "red" team: a terrorist group already has its fangs in the USA -- and needs to be hunted down and eliminated right now . . .

The Condo

Author: Mario Soldevilla
Publisher: LULU
ISBN: 1483409457
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 89

Book Description
After Philip's daughter is killed in a truck accident, no one is held accountable. His attempt to gain justice through the legal system has failed. Philip, once a nice, mild-mannered guy, now has the poison of revenge in his blood. The only way to obtain justice, is to make them pay; pay - with their lives. He starts with insurance executives and trial lawyers, doing his best to make everything seem accidental. As his need for vengeance grows, a hurricane inches closer and closer to the Florida peninsula. Miami is bracing itself, and so are Philip's family lawyer, Tamara, and her husband, Marco. Tamara is Philip's last intended victim. Philip stalks her every step, all the way to the front door of her Vero Beach condo. What does it take for a man to become a killer? Is there a killer inside each of us waiting to be unmasked? Miami, beware; a storm is coming.

UX for Beginners

Author: Joel Marsh
Publisher: "O'Reilly Media, Inc."
ISBN: 1491912642
Category : Computers
Languages : en
Pages : 459

Book Description
Apps! Websites! Rubber Ducks! Naked Ninjas! This book has everything. If you want to get started in user experience design (UX), you've come to the right place: 100 self-contained lessons that cover the whole spectrum of fundamentals. Forget dry, technical material. This bookÃ¢??based on the wildly popular UX Crash Course from Joel MarshÃ¢??s blog The Hipper ElementÃ¢??is laced with the author's snarky brand of humor, and teaches UX in a simple, practical way. Becoming a professional doesnÃ¢??t have to be boring. Follow the real-life UX process from start-to-finish and apply the skills as you learn, or refresh your memory before the next meeting. UX for Beginners is perfect for non-designers who want to become designers, managers who teach UX, and programmers, salespeople, or marketers who want to learn more. Start from scratch: the fundamentals of UX Research the weird and wonderful things users do The process and science of making anything user-friendly Use size, color, and layout to help and influence users Plan and create wireframes Make your designs feel engaging and persuasive Measure how your design works in the real world Find out what a UX designer does all day

Missing

Author: James A. Dillon
Publisher: Page Publishing Inc
ISBN: 1640827765
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 359

Book Description
Nolan Daly believes he has the dream life. He's got a beautiful wife, two adorable children, and the job he always wanted. As a lieutenant in the FDNY, on the list for promotion to captain, he feels the sky's the limit. Then 9/11 happens. Daly loses seven brothers from his Brooklyn firehouse and well over one hundred friends out of the 343 firefighters killed that horrible day. While still reeling from that tragedy, he wakes up in a hospital with a pair of detectives asking him what he did to his family. When it becomes apparent he didn't commit triple homicide, those around him figure life goes on, right? But not for Daly. He still desperately wants his kids back. Where are Emma and Mark? Are they safe? Happy? How are they getting along without Daddy? As they were toddlers when they disappeared, will they remember him if he ever finds them? While his marriage was far from perfect, could his wife really have masterminded this kidnapping? Is it a good idea to become romantically involved with the lead detective on the case? With all this swirling in his mind, Daly must keep to his normal routine. The question is, what is normal these days? Nolan struggles on a daily basis to present a facade of just another guy in the firehouse while his world is crashing around him. The longer it gets from the day of their disappearance, the more others feel he should move on. But that only steels his determination to never give up. Follow Nolan Daly as he walks the tightrope of living his life and desperately searching for his missing children.

Strong Curves

Author: Bret Contreras
Publisher: Victory Belt Publishing
ISBN: 162860235X
Category : Sports & Recreation
Languages : en
Pages : 782

Book Description
This is not your run-of-the-mill fitness book. Developed by world-renowned gluteal expert Bret Contreras, Strong Curves offers an extensive fitness and nutrition guide for women seeking to improve their physique, function, strength, and mobility. Contreras spent the last eighteen years researching and field-testing the best methods for building better butts and shapelier bodies. In Strong Curves, he offers the programs that have proven effective time and time again with his clients, allowing you to develop lean muscle, rounded glutes, and greater confidence. Each page is packed with information decoding the female anatomy, providing a better understanding as to why most fitness programs fail to help women reach their goals. With a comprehensive nutritional guide and over 200 strength exercises, this book gets women off the treadmill and furnishes their drive to achieve strength, power, and sexy curves from head to toe. Although the glutes are the largest and most powerful muscle group in the human body, they often go dormant due to lifestyle choices, leading to a flat, saggy bum. Strong Curves is the cure.

Surviving Customer Service

Author: Chris Zell
Publisher: Lulu.com
ISBN: 0557001153
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 94

Book Description
Surviving Customer Service is the preeminent book of it's kind. Being the only makes that designation easier. Chris Zell has condensed years of customer service experience into a tome that lays out what to expect once you cross the portals into the world of customer service. Turns out, not much. In a land filled with back-stabbing workers, ineffective management, uncaring corporations and the slime that keeps this netherworld together, customers, you should enter with your eyes open, heart pre-hardened, and liver prepared for serious post-work drinking. Zell gives you the weapons to navigate through the soul-sucking landscape that you will long to escape. He'll tell you how to deal with managers (treat them like mushrooms - keep 'em in the dark, feed 'em shit); co-workers (create a fake identity because if they find out who you are the real trouble begins); and customers (have you played the 'Why?' game with a kid? They're that annoying).