You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning

You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start in the Morning PDF Author: Celia Rivenbark
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 1429952016
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 254

Book Description
From the author of the bestselling classics We're Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you'll shoot co'cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as: • Why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate • How Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life • Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering • Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that? • Get yer Wassail on: It's carolin' time • Airlines serving up one hot mess • Action figure Jesus • Why Clay Aiken ain't marrying your glandular daughter • And much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia's genuine southern recipes, You Can't Drink All Day if You Don't Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier

We're Just Like You, Only Prettier PDF Author: Celia Rivenbark
Publisher: Macmillan + ORM
ISBN: 1429908254
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 292

Book Description
"On the short drive to the preschool, I dutifully unwrap a NutriGrain bar and toss it into the back seat to my four-year-old. Sometimes I'll even unwrap one for myself. Studies have shown that it's very important for familes to eat together. . . . " Why couldn't the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can't shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman's opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We've got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks' salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney's marriage to a model thirty years younger? We're not surprised. Statistically speaking, it's almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them's," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya'll come back now, you hear.

Day Drinking

Day Drinking PDF Author: Kat Odell
Publisher: Workman Publishing Company
ISBN: 1523500271
Category : Cooking
Languages : en
Pages : 241

Book Description
The perfect way to spend an afternoon! When the occasion calls for a drink, but not getting drunk, mix up a batch of day drinks - creative, low-alcohol cocktails that are festive, delicious, and easy on the booze. Using beer, wine, cider, sake, sherry, and vermouth, plus a variety of amari and other liqueurs, here are 50 light drinks for hot days, warm drinks for cool days, and an abundance of classic - and reimagined - spritzers, sangrias, micheladas, and so much more.

Bless Your Heart, Tramp!

Bless Your Heart, Tramp! PDF Author: Celia Rivenbark
Publisher: Macmillan + ORM
ISBN: 1466801107
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 234

Book Description
From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress). Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern---and just plain human---foibles, up-close and personal. So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl

You Don't Sweat Much for a Fat Girl PDF Author: Celia Rivenbark
Publisher: Macmillan
ISBN: 142998452X
Category : Humor
Languages : en
Pages : 166

Book Description
From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can't Drink All Day If You Don't Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody's so excited about the Science Fair when there aren't even any rides. In it you'll find essays on such topics as: - Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey - I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long - Twitter Woes: I've Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character - Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid - Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube And much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON'T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.

This Naked Mind

This Naked Mind PDF Author: Annie Grace
Publisher: Penguin
ISBN: 0525537236
Category : Self-Help
Languages : en
Pages : 274

Book Description
This Naked Mind has ignited a movement across the country, helping thousands of people forever change their relationship with alcohol. Many people question whether drinking has become too big a part of their lives, and worry that it may even be affecting their health. But, they resist change because they fear losing the pleasure and stress-relief associated with alcohol, and assume giving it up will involve deprivation and misery. This Naked Mind offers a new, positive solution. Here, Annie Grace clearly presents the psychological and neurological components of alcohol use based on the latest science, and reveals the cultural, social, and industry factors that support alcohol dependence in all of us. Packed with surprising insight into the reasons we drink, this book will open your eyes to the startling role of alcohol in our culture, and how the stigma of alcoholism and recovery keeps people from getting the help they need. With Annie’s own extraordinary and candid personal story at its heart, this book is a must-read for anyone who drinks. This Naked Mind will give you freedom from alcohol. It removes the psychological dependence so that you will not crave alcohol, allowing you to easily drink less (or stop drinking). With clarity, humor, and a unique blend of science and storytelling, This Naked Mind will open the door to the life you have been waiting for. “You have given me my live back.” —Katy F., Albuquerque, New Mexico “This is an inspiring and groundbreaking must-read. I am forever inspired and changed.” —Kate S., Los Angeles, California “The most selfless and amazing book that I have ever read.” —Bernie M., Dublin, Ireland

Killing Time Till I Die

Killing Time Till I Die PDF Author: Douglas J. McGregor
Publisher: iUniverse
ISBN: 1491766425
Category : Fiction
Languages : en
Pages : 652

Book Description
Jake McCluskie is back Last time, he was the Redeemer, and he redeemed three souls and found Hells Codes for the Angel of Death. This time, McCluskie is Morning Stars Dog, let off his leash to stop the Horseman Pestilence from unleashing a plague that will exterminate Mankind. Something, I said, I dont know what the hell it wasblocked the hole. The Devils eyebrows twitched as he regarded me. His fingers moved, and a chair pulled away from the table. He opened his coat and sat. What did this thing look like? Picture something covered in black hair about the size of a dump truck with arms and legs and a head. It picked me up, sniffed me, and then tossed me halfway across the warehouse. All I have to say is yes, ouch, it sure hurt when I hit the wall. The Devil sighed. Stop complaining. Do you have any more of that rot-gut Cognac? Because I need a drink. You knew this creature had to be bad when even the Devil needed a drink. I need a drink too. I climbed to my feet, my back and ribs aching. You drank all the Cognac last night. Ive got beers in the fridge. I hobbled to the kitchen, dug two cans of Bud from the fridge and plunked down his can in front of him. There you go, 24 ounces of Bud. He sipped on his can of beer, and grimaced. Why dont you have a stocked liquor cabinet? Even do-gooder Catholics drink. And the Mrs. has blown so you wont get nagged because you have a few bottles of hooch lying around. I wasnt expecting company, and may I askhow bad is this creature? Lets just say this swill Im drinking isnt making it. May I have clarification on how bad it is? The word bad doesnt even come close to describing it. Its probably the worse case scenario you could think of. I took a hit of beer. Thanks for sugar coating it. A team of bakery chefs couldnt sugar coat this disaster. Do you know what crawled out of Oblivion? I mean, aside from Luther. Its Mohana, the Devil said flatly. Mohana of the Chaos Hold.

Carry On, Warrior

Carry On, Warrior PDF Author: Glennon Doyle
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
ISBN: 1451698224
Category : Biography & Autobiography
Languages : en
Pages : 320

Book Description
A New York Times essayist shares her journey from a self-destructive college student to a devoted family woman and teacher while illuminating the importance of trusting in a higher power and being truthful about life's challenges.
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